Still me

Time: 4:15 PM

Mood: Calm

Boy: Nir, otherwise known as DJ, otherwise known as “The boyfriend” from the previous entry. What a sweet guy. I never knew men of this quality existed. Of course, we’re not talking perfect here. He can be insensitive and egocentric once in a while. But he is SO sweet and caring most of the time, that I just look at it all differently. It was hard for me to change, but I have become more forgiving. It is not as easy as before to really insult me.
The weird thing is that we just… get along. I never just got along with anyone before. It was always after a fight, before a fight, will he call, won’t he call, are we getting closer, are we drifting apart, will we get married, won’t we get married. For now i’m assuming we will always be together, get married, have kids and I will have to deal with his mother (no one’s perfect). If this doesn’t happen, my world will be shattered, but it is still easier just to not think about it.

Writing About: I wrote an article about a grocery store that got some very good reaction. Including from my boss. Personally, i thought it could have been much better, but I’m still very happy with the praise. problem – now I have to do it again. At least once a moth if possible. Well, right now I’m doing one about solar energy. Bet THAT won’t be front page.

Daily philosophical approach / deep thought: Daylight is really important for your mood. I had such a feeling of approaching doom yesterday, but I think only because it was raining so hard and I never left the house. Coffee helps, too.

Nice thing that happened:I bought knee-high socks. I never had those.

Interesting thing that happened: My uncle and aunt came over with their schizophrenic daughter (my cousin). They wanted to try out my parent’s car. At some point I was left alone with her, something I usually try to avoid. But we had an interesting conversation. She tried to convince me she doesn’t want to have kids, never wants to get married.. I think she’s just trying to convince herself. But she had very viable reasons. And I discovered she does have a sex life. Even an active one.

I’m not sure if this is good or bad but it’s interesting, because she is very… well… not good looking and can’t really hold a coversation. She keep trailing off and it looked like it hurt her to try to concentrate on what I am saying. I’m not a siple talker, either. My sentences are usually too long. I tried to change them for her but it was difficult – We were talking about serious stuff!

I was glad when my parents came home, though.

The line between sane and insane is so thin. I diagnosed myself with ADHD earlier this week, when I kept forgetting things and mixing things up/ But then I backed down from this diagnosis because I remembered that i am a pretty good test taker. I can concentrate on tests for hours. I don;t think you can have ADHD and do that, though I had 37 of the symptoms on the self-test (they say 20 and up is woth checking). But I think I do okay, anyway. I don’t want to take any personality-changing pills, even if they are also good for weight loss. Maybe I will have to do something if I ever have children, just so I don’t forget them at school or something.

But maybe these things happen to everyone. Denise forgot a patient she had to give tests to. This was an older man who came from out of town to see her… She said it only happens to her in the last few years. What could it be? We’re to young to be senile and she’s always eaten all her vitamins (I never ate well).

It’s not Christmas here. Can you believe it? We celebrated Hannukah, but somehow were not satisfie. But although even my mom said “I want to watch some christmas thing today”, there’s nothing Christmas around or on TV. My friend Pea is all upset with me wanting to do something about Christmas. He says it’s not our holiday, that we’re ruining our culture. I said “I’m not going to give Christmas gifts or put up a stocking. Those are personal things, celebration things. But I can go watch a parade or to a midnight mass, can’t I? Or go to a pub where people dressed like santa are singing carols? That’s anthropological. It’s like going to a buddist cermony. I’m not pretending it’s my holiday. I’m just curious. Where fun is offered, why not take it? Christmas is fun, and they don’t just give out fun every day.

Pea doesn’t believe in fun. He told me Natzereth will be rainy and since the plumming is bad, we will have rain in our shoes. So we stayed home.

I met a man who can write 1000 word articles in an hour. Not type – write. Can you? I can’t. writing takes me so long.

I’m tired…

I’m going to read something now. Reading is my meditation. The only way for me to be awake yet totally at rest.