1/4/2005

Time: 18:48

Mood: Kinda Down

Boy: Decided to spend an evening with friends… rather than me. I know it doesn’t mean anything but… I know… but… uf, will I always be like this? Will it never end? And what happens if i’m right? What if this is the beginning of a year of him being distant before a breakup? Ugh. Anyway, i’m the one who should be having doubts, not him. Yesterday we talked about helping the Tzunami refugees and he said dumb stuff like “Why do you want to help them. There are govornments for that kind of thing”. He never wantsto help anyone. I give some money… and i “want” to volounteer all the time. Big difference…

Writing About: Solar Energy

Daily philosophical approach / deep thought: There is just so much shit oging on in the world. How do I have the nerve to be even a little bit sad,when I had the luck to be born on the nourished side of the world? To not have a serious disease, to have parents who love me, even a boy? Sometimes it seems even like too much. I feel a need to say “But i’m not happy, just so no one decides that I got more than my fair share and decides to take some away from em. Yet, too many times it’s just not enough, and I end up feeling bad, though I guess I don’t know the extent of bad you can feel.

Nice thing that happened: Cleaned my room last night. It look great. Finally got rid of the last box from moving (yes, six months ago).

Interesting thing that happened: World Press Photo exhibition. I can’t even begin to put it into words, but check it our here: http://www.worldpressphoto.nl/index.jsp

Remember the girl from a previous entry I wrote, the one who had to abort her baby during the sixth month of pregnancy and will probably not be able to have another, fdo to genetic problems? Well, a good friend of hers was killed by the Tzunami in Tahiland. I talked to her today – there is no consoling her. She is completely not “taking it well”. She says things lik e”How much am I supposed to take in one year?” “How can I believe that nothing more will happen now”. I have no idea what to say to her.

The girl was sitting in her hotel room when a wave washed them out. Her boyfriend managed to grab a tree, and a helicopter evacuated him. Then he found out that his girlfriend was missing. I asked her if he was doing okay and she said “no, not at all”. She said she was baking him a cake, but she knew this would mean nothing to him. I said “but it’s always important to know people care” and she said “No. People cared before. But people caring won’t bring her back”. I guess sometimes the people who get hurt get tired of saying the right thing. They get tired of consoling the people who try to console them.

unimportant

January 4, 2005

Hey, I just cleaned up my room enough to have a path from my door to the bathroom… Half of my clothes are still in a suitcase from when I moved in May. So what is this solar energy article you’re writing? My senior design class project involved designing a solar power plant, but of course that doesn’t mean I know much about them 🙂

Zinfandel

January 11, 2005

RYN: No Little Women. Light on Snow and My First Desire.

Sorry youre feeling down. J and I have these Bob Ross (have you ever heard of him?) and he is very wise and says things like You have to have some darkness to appreciate the light. I know others have said that but when he says it you know he means it. Hes painting these mountains and you can see the dark and the light of it. Anyway, Im just saying that I hope you feel better soon

and its okay to have some dark days even though logically it looks like you should be happy. Youre human. Hugs Annabellelee8

January 13, 2005

RYN: I would have liked to call them, but they didn’t give me their number, and they blocked their number on caller ID. That’s the way these companies do things. Don’t call us, we’ll call you, except we won’t. Sadly, I’m spending my entire day sitting around waiting for them to call. And they probably won’t. Ever. I don’t know why they couldn’t just tell me they’re no longer considering me.

Vitus Vinifera

January 14, 2005

ryn: No, the one I liked was Jack. 🙂

January 15, 2005

RYN:I’ve also been amazed at how little the tsunamis have affected life around here. Everything here revolved around the terrorist attacks on the WTC and Pentagon for months, but the death toll of a few thousand (I don’t really know the number, but I think it was 4,000-5,000) was nothing compared to 100,000+ for the tsunamis. It’s probably because there’s no one on whom to get revenge for tsunamis

Nebula

January 18, 2005

This whole world depresses me sometimes. Your friend will remember that you tried to console her, and you were there for her when she was really down. Right now she probably can’t acknowledge it because she’s too upset, but I’m sure she’s grateful for your friendship.

Scarlet Ibis

January 19, 2005

RYN: BUT, and I’ll have to write something about this in my diary, don’t let that story add to the misconception that fat people are sad and miserable and plagued by emotional disorders. Yes, I was a very depressed child who was somewhat poor. Now I am a confident and happy woman who has a reasonable amount of money. I absolutely HATE the stereotype of the troubled fatty who eats as medication.

February 11, 2005

It’s so hard to know what to say to people who’ve been through so much. All you can do is try. D: RYN: No, he didn’t. He tells them to do whatever they want to do. And they do. It’s just that he grew up with Porl and Simon and they tended to have the same sensibilities. Robert’s spoken about this before. He hates to think that people assume he rules with an iron fist. He’s easygoing.