And the World Spins Madly On

The past year has been one year of growing pains, as my HR director called it.  I think of all the things that happened and all that changed.  Starting a new job that I constantly feel incapable of doing (even though I am more than capable), living on my own in an apartment without knowing anyone close to this area, my mom being diagnosed with cancer, my own health problems, and just trying to make a home and a life for myself.  I didn’t really do so well.  But I’ve been working incredibly hard the past couple weeks on maintaining a positive attitude.  For months I have felt completely defeated by everything around me.

I had my annual eval last week and I got a decent raise.  I’m moving again next month to an apartment closer to friends I’ve made and the office.  My mom just had her last chemo treatment and her catscan came back showing the cancer was gone.  I went for my second round of bloodwork on Saturday to figure out what the hell is wrong with me.  I think that has been the hardest lately.  It just runs my life.  I constantly stress about what’s wrong with me. 

I really felt so defeated.  That’s the only way to describe it.  But I’m trying to actively take control of my life.  If you don’t like it, you gotta figure out what will make you happy and go after it, right?

There’s a line to a song that I listen to over and over.  The song is "Life ain’t always beautiful" by Gary Allan and the line is:
But the struggle makes you stronger

And the changes make you wise

And happiness has its own way of taking its sweet time.

So I’ll keep appreciating the truly fantastic parts of my life (because there are many) and work on changing the parts that cause me to be miserable and depressed.

~Dora