TBI

So I work in a neuro-rehab facility; we rehabilitate people with brain injuries. Today I started “Qualified Brain Injury Support Provider” training. Its basically a certification offered to those of us that have been with the company for a while. I already know quite a bit about brain injuries thanks to 11 months of experience on the floor, but today we learned a little more.

**Back story, I got my first TBI when I was 5. We were in a Kmart layaway line and I was admiring those candy dispensers that you put a quarter in for a handful of candy. Being the curious child most 5 year olds are, I started sticking my hands in the dispensers to see if I could reach the candy. The next thing I remember is being under a wall of candy dispensers, covered in blood. The set had fallen on top of me, causing a concussion, a $15k concussion too, lawsuit money I’d never see..damn parents. Second TBI, I was 14 and my mom was coming down off of her most recent drug binge. Something fell behind the fridge and she made me move this appliance thats 5x my weight, and when I struggled she hit me. Once I was done, I had to push the fridge back, and I conjured all the force I could…but it was too much; the fridge slammed against the wall and it was the spark mother needed to blow up. I regained consciousness and saw my Nana standing over me, screaming at my mom. Nana tried to take me away that day but my mom said she’d tell the cops that Nana kidnapped me if she did, so I was left there crying. The next day at school was our NJROTC annual inspection. I had prepared for this day all year. When the inspecting officers approached me and asked me my orders, I couldn’t remember right away- which is not in my character (think üüber teachers pet), and when I finally spoke, my words came out funny. After the inspection I hobbled away from my platoon only to have my classmates rush me to the nurse’s office. Mom was called and I was taken home. The next day (NEXT DAY) she took me to a clinic; not an emergency room, not an urgent care, not even my primary care physician, and the doctor was concerned. He said that I was paralyzed on the right side and asked if I had fallen, been in any car accidents, or fights recently. Mom said “No but she takes a shower in the morning and then walks to school when its still dark out” the doctor wasn’t sure how that was relevant. He stated that without an MRI it could be anything from Belle’s Palsy to a stroke, and suspected the latter. He suggested that I get to the emergency quickly, even offered to call 9-1-1. Mom promised she’d drive me over herself and we left. She drove us home and told everyone I had belle’s palsy. After 3 months I had just about recovered. My right side is still my dominant side but my smile is crooked and my right eye droops. My money is on that the incident when I was 14 was due to brain swelling/stroke as a result of blunt force trauma.

Anyhoo…so I learned today that brain injuries can change the chemical functioning of the brain. People who were relatively normal can become emotional wrecks. My mind began to wonder, was I changed? Is who I am today a result of a brain injury? Could I have been an emotionally stable, successful person? I mean I get by now, but with better tools imagine how much higher I could have gone. Too late now, gotta make due…but I still wish I could have an “its a wonderful life” moment and see the ‘what ifs’.