Outgrown Anxiety

I had a massive breakdown last January 2019, after pouring out all my disappointments to my mother who abandoned me and my father. So I wrote this letter to myself…

The key to be happy is knowing that you have the power to choose what to accept and what to let go.

For all those years, I’ve seen myself struggling to find real happiness until I reached the point of faking it. Yes, I did it oftentimes, for me to survive. But I realized I wasn’t really faking my smiles nor laughters. I just taught myself to find and see the light even at my darkest hours.

I longed for sincerity to my own self. There were nights that I could hardly sleep, tears in my blanket, wore my happy face on some days and became numb the night after. I screamed too loud but only me who can hear it. I was totally disheartened that all my anxieties  and mood swings already outgrown me. But I never regret handling my own monsters. It resides in me  which plays a big role in making me alive. It keeps me alive until my turning point came.

Thanks to few unexpected people who tapped my back and woke up my senses. My eyes were opened and made me realized that they never left since day one. They were at my back, waiting for me to stood up and told myself to let go and accept things the way it is. My life isn’t perfect yet I found beauty on its imperfections which inspires me to love life even more.

All I had gone through were worth it. None of those times I ever feel regret.  Now, I finally understood that not all problems are meant to be fixed, some exists to make you stronger. Some may stay unresolved just to push you harder to become a better version of you.

I choose to accept the fate and to let go of the past that will never be change. From now on, I will embrace happiness – real happy.