You tell me

I’ve been in a dazed floating state since I last wrote. Maybe even longer? I don’t really know. This Christmas season has never felt more less Christmas-sy than I’ve ever remembered before.

I’m still sick. I’ve been dealing with this since the 16th. I’m finally getting to a point where I feel like I can manage it. I’m still coughing but not like it was where I would cough until I was blue in the face. I can say more words in a conversation before coughing. I’m not as short of breath to where going down and upstairs one time makes me feel like I ran around the block. Tank had almost ran out into the street Christmas evening straight into an oncoming car. I chased after him and luckily the car scared him that he turned around instead of running right infront of it. After I brought him inside I felt like I was going to pass out. I could not catch my breath. I’ve never experienced an asthma attack before but I can imagine its something similar. My lungs don’t sound like gurgling when I breath out anymore. My ears are still clogged, so I can’t hear shit. I’m beginning to believe I may never hear properly again.

I’ve been taking my antibiotics, though I just finished them today, steriod pill, and I had to call my doctor for more on Tuesday, my regular medication for anxiety and depression, which is three pills itself. In-between this I was also taking cough medicine and taking cough drops like candy. Then this past Thursday, I tried to supress a cough and pulled or popped something in my ribs, so now taking ibuprofen for that pain. So, as you can imagine at this point, coughing hurts like hell.

Thursday was also the day I had to put my 11 year old dog down.

So, yeah. These days I feel like I’m only partly comprehending what’s been going on around me. I stare at things but I’m not focusing on the objects. I’m talking but I don’t remember what I’m saying. I’m expressing emotions but I’m not feeling them. Does any of this make sense?