Crashing

I know the cards I’ve been dealt but it never makes it easy to accept. I’ve been running on a high for a while and I knew the crash had to be coming soon. Toxic negativity rushes in and knows exactly where to fill the empty spaces.

It’s taken me 20 minutes to write this so far. The crash turns my thoughts into sludge. The glare of disappointment and disgust blinding my vision.

I will never be able to love myself and therefore no one will be able to love me. I distract myself with mind soaking activities but when I crash I can’t focus like I want to. I’m feeling exposed and the exposure brings shame.

I’ve pleaded for so long to rise up in beauty that days and days go by in agony. Its only my fault, I know, I’m to blame. I do want to be loved but I know the cards I’ve been dealt.

I need to get some sleep so I have some energy to fight the demons for the day.