90 Day Fiance

What I often think about when I watch 90 Day Fiance that my sister so kindly got my hooked on watching, is how a lot of these people, both men and women, but I guess I see it more with the women, don’t take the time to understand the culture, laws, and customs of the other person they are marrying. There is the expectation that their partner will just understand how to act and what’s acceptable and not acceptable. My point in this is I was also someone who didn’t take time to research a country I was going to and looking back I wish I could have a do-over of that specific time in my past to change based off of the knowledge I now have. I was 20 years old when I traveled ALONE to Antigua. I think about this now and I’m like, damn, a young woman traveling alone and this only being the second time in my life being on a plane. I traveled out of Denver to New Jersey, which I had to get special permission to stay overnight in the airport because my flight to Antigua wasn’t until the next morning. I had no way of getting a hotel so a complete stranger told me how to get my ticket stamped to stay at the airport. That was a Godsend and the interesting thing was the guy I got my stamp from spent 20 minutes explaining Christian doctrine to me so I don’t feel too crazy when I say I believe those two men were angels protecting me through this trip.

From New Jersey I flew to Antigua. The reason I was going there was to be with my ex boyfriend who went back home that summer from college and he wanted me to come visit him and his country. Stupid. Stupid girl. I spent the next several weeks living a hell in paradise. Aside from living in a country I knew nothing about and relying on a boy who would verbally abuse me with his narcissistic behavior to the point I felt like I was going insane, Antigua was beautiful and the food was amazing. Now that I am a bit older and looking back, if I had been more prepared and obviously more mature, I could have taken in more of the country and it’s customs and known how to treat it with respect. Being as naive and uncultured that I was, I know I said and did things that were hurtful and disrespectful. Those instances were some of the fights I had with the ex but instead of explaining to me what was going on he would belittle me. It became clear as time went on that he was trying to mold me into another version of his ex and when I obviously acted in a different way he was angry and abusive. He used sex often as punishment, but I didn’t see that until years later.

I would love to go back and see Antigua again in a different light because it was so beautiful, but with everything I went through I’m afraid all the memories would come back if I see places that I remember. I don’t really worry about running into him because he now lives in Canada but I think it would be better for me to visit other Carribbean islands.

How I didn’t get kidnapped from walking the streets by myself and not ending up pregnant are 100% miracles.

I’ve been to Africa twice but I was younger those times too so I would love to go back as a more mature adult to really take in the culture and the people in more indepth way.

До свидания!