Problems……..

Hello again people……it’ s me. Man…I am sooo upset about school. It is really kicking my azz!! I have not done papers in about 5 years and right now I suck at them….I have to get back into the swing of things again. I use to write wonderful papers for school. I was such a good bullshiter!!! Really!! I guess I have to get back into it again…..

Now for the real problems…...My daddy….I love him dearly. He has no idea. When I found out recently that he has non lymphoma Hodgekins disease (which is cancer) I thought that my life was about to come to an end. He went today to see a doctor about treatment. He is going to have to go through chemotherapy. What?? I don’t want to see my father go through that. I had a friend who had breast cancer and she went through the treatment. She was always sooo sick and I just thought what an amazing person she was to handle it. She is better now and in remission. But…my daddy?? My dad?? My family?? No. I am still in shock. I am afraid, and scared, and mad. All at the same time. My father is such a good man. Why do bad things happen to good people. Alot of my friends say that about me….because I have what I have they all feel like I don’t deserve this. I wish I didn’t have it…and I wish I didn’t have to take all these pills too. It really does suck. But now I have not only my own condition to worry about…now I have my daddy to worry about. I know he is a strong man and he tries his best not to frighten me, his "little girl". But I told him that I am. I wish I can make all of this go away. I want him to be healthy and everything.  Wow….I am not even married yet or have any kids. When I see my dad with my nephew, his eyes light up. I want to be able to do that to him and my mother. I want them both to know that I will be ok in the future when they are eventually gone. Now that this stupid cancer has come into my family’s life, it make me scared because what if my dad doesn’t get to see this of me?? I know nothing about hodgekins disease. I have to get on the internet and get my self familiarized with it. This absoutly sucks…but it’s what I gotta now deal with. I am trying to very strong…I don’t want to cry right now….But I know I will break down soon…..

I just want my daddy to be ok….that’s all I want.

Well..I better run..it felt good to talk about it. Thanks for the support guys….I’m gonna need it through all of this!

Later days…

DeeJ