the key.
Four dreams in three weeks in which my brother is alive. And I know that when the dream is over, he will be gone once again, like it is. Like its been for the past almost 6 years now. So I try. I try to figure out a way to carry over the way he’s so alive, so there, into the waking world. I’m always conscious of the fact that this is a special circumstance. I know he’s dead. I know this. Yet I’m still convinced that I can find the magic solution that lies somewhere in this surreal dreamland. Like there’s some sort of skeleton key. Like that’s how it works.
It doesn’t though, of course. I can’t find the key and there is no lock.
It’s got to be the way, now that I have a little boy, I’m reminded of the little boy he used to be. My little boy-big brother best friend. Oh, we had such a childhood. He was my hero and partner in crime. We found wonder under rocks and in forts and side by side in front of Sunday morning cartoons. We traversed years of wonder together and we grew and stretched, ready to catch each other.
He was just so much.
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I’ve been looking back, retreading long ago footsteps. Starting from the beginning of my diary, it’s like being transported right back there and it’s been such a joy. It’s my virtual time machine and I’ve been un-privating handfuls of entries as I go.
I miss it here, back then, you know? I’ve clicked on so many old diarists names only to be met with the dreaded “this page no longer exists”. Their notes, left ages ago, makes me all nostalgic and I miss these people, these ghosts.
I really do miss it here. Back then.
Random noter, I know how you feel about clicking on old diarist names to not get to read them anymore. I often reread old notes and recall the times that prompted them. I look forward to reading more about you. Please take care,
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Yes. It’s different now. But it’s no different than the rest of life. Time changes everything.
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OD is most definitely a different place nowadays… many of my favorites have moved on with their lives long ago and no longer write here. And the influx of political diaries, especially the right wing ones… horrifying. Happy birthday, btw (saw on Facebook)! You are looking fantastic! And your little boy is adorable. 🙂
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When I first started writing here, maybe 11 (?) years ago, you were Editor’s Choice.
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it really does seem like another lifetime ago. hard to believe it’s been almost 12 years since i stumbled upon this site by accident. happy birthday daynna! you look BEAUTIFUL in the last pics you posted on facebook. So happy, radiant and serene. i hope you have the most wonderful birthday and thanksgiving too. you have much to be thankful for this year. ♥
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yes the back then. i understand that i think but i want to tell you i have missed not knowing the you in the now. you’re such a lovely woman and i love that you are checking in.
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Yeah. I know. Miss you.
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I’m glad to see you writing. I never noted you a lot but started reading you about the time you got married. I wish there was a key to keep the dreams alive.
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Ain’t that the truth.
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It was a different thing, but it’s not an altogether bad thing now. And I wouldn’t go back to who I was for a million dollars.
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I had those dreams after my best friend died. They are so real. I remember being ANGRY when I’d wake up. haven’t had one in years.
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all we can do is enjoy the visit when the dearly departed show up in dreams. Heavy on the heart, but in some strange way, a ‘good’ kind of heavy.
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I have those dreams too. I’m always delighted, and can still feel the joy of seeing them when I wake up. I imagine that if there is a heaven, it is going to feel like that.
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Hey, saw you on the front page and was drawn to click because I lost my brother 6 years ago too. I rarely dream of him though, so I envy that a little. Anyway, just saying hello.
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Look at the names in your notes. Most of them have been here all along. And have missed you.
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Your dreams may just be him wanting you to know that, although the body does indeed pass away, the spirit never dies, the love never dies. I feel that you know on some level that we are just hypnotized by this Earthly experience but truly the Mystery is the reality of us all. Te joy and wonder you felt as a child with your brother is our natural state, imho.
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Wow… this was so powerful for me. I feel your pain (bittersweet happiness)…memories… ghosts.
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I know what you mean.
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