When I Say “I Do”…

My younger stepbrother married in 2007 and is now in the process of a divorce which has been played out over Facebook for the whole social networking world to see. My older brother called off his second wedding 6 weeks before it was supposed to happen. Meanwhile, Bobby and I are discussing our plans for the future including marriage.

Today I stayed home from work because I had severe menstrual cramps. One of my vices is court shows. While working on Bobby’s mom’s Christmas present (a cross stitch project) I watched People’s Court, Judge Jeanne Pirro, Judge Alex, Divorce Court, Judge Mathis, Judge Joe Brown, and Swift Justice with Nancy Grace. Many of the disputes involved broken relationships, baby mama/daddy drama, and ignorant-sounding people. In about 10 minutes Maury will start and for some reason (perhaps that I don’t have cable and get 7 channels) I will probably watch it and we all know it won’t have exemplary examples of functional relationships.

I’m not saying that anyone who gets divorced is a bad person, but that’s definitely something I want to avoid. At my little brother’s wedding the overwhelming feeling was that it wasn’t a good idea and the marriage wouldn’t last. It didn’t. There were so many red flags in their relationship prior to marriage; they broke up and got back together repeatedly; yet it seemed like they believed it would change once they were actually married. So often it seems that people don’t take marriage seriously–they make vows yet even those vows are simply going through the motions. It seems like they enjoy the idea of having a big party and having all the attention during that time, but they don’t intend to put in the effort to make the ensuing marriage actually work. What makes the situation even worse is that often there are children involved.

I want a life with Bobby. I want him to be my husband whom I can love, support, honor, cherish, trust and be happy with. I want to be his wife who will stand beside him and give him my entire heart and loyalty. I want him to be the father of my children–not a baby daddy (I despise that term). I want to give him a son he can teach and nurture and a daughter he can dote upon. I want our marriage to be a testiment to our families. I want to be an example of love and perseverance. I want to be an exception–to start a branch of our family tree that won’t be broken.

There is a song by Warren Barfield called "Love is Not a Fight" which says that while it’s not a fight it is something worth fighting for. I feel like the past 18 months of dating has built a strong foundation for a solid, loving, healthy and functional marriage. We are open and honest with each other; we trust each other; we put each other’s feelings and comfort before our own; we make each other laugh; we support each other.

I want our wedding to be a happy and fun occasion where people can see how deeply we care for each other. I want our family and friends to believe in us and our future together. I want it to be a new beginning for us as we begin our family–a next step on a path that has always been and will always be paved with all the best of God’s gifts.

That’s what I’ll mean when I say "I do."