OMG, When Did I Get O-L-D?

Last week as I was purchasing my own groceries with the money I earned at the part-time job I have to get me through college, I saw one of those impulse items you just have to have.  It was a People magazine with the cast of Saved by the Bell on the cover.

My closest friends can tell you that I am a Saved by the Bell  trivia buff (i.e. geek), and a glance at my DVD collection shows that I own all four seasons of the show (we’re talking the real show, not the ill-fated Good Morning Miss Bliss or the ill-conceived College Years).

Flipping through the magazine I realized something. Suddenly, I feel old! The show that I watched religiously throughout elementary school…and junior high…and high school…(sheepishly)…and beyond…is now 20 years old! It has been 20 years since Zach and Slater first fought over Kelly Kapowski’s heart, only to become best (if not dysfunctional) friends. Zach got Kelly, Slater got ultra-feminist Jessie, and Screech got a complex that lead to Celebrity Boxing and amateur porn.

Also, this People magazine showed me how old I am, and how out of touch I am with today’s pop culture scene.  At one point in time I could recite the first and last name of every member of every Disney puppet boy band (and list them in order of cuteness…sorry Howie Dorough, Chris Kirkpatrick, and Justin Jeffre!).   I slow danced (while lip-synching) with Andrew Poulsen at my 7th grade Valentine’s Dance to “My Heart Will Go On” back when near, far, wherever you are (were…), you just loved the song (if you were under the age of 20). I pretended to get all of those jokes about Monica Lewinsky when really I thought the stain on the blue dress was from mayonnaise and the “cigar” was actually from Cuba. <–interesting side note: Lewinsky is apparently recognized by Word 2007…scary! I endured the annoying nails-on-a-chalkboard modem sounds in order to log onto my AOL screen name LeoLvr5685 so I could check out TRL’s website and vote for Joey McIntyre’s solo debut “Stay the Same” while nostalgically remembering when I was a kindergartener kissing my neighbor’s NKOTB pillow .My first cell phone was a Nokia brick for which I purchased minutes in advance; Kayne West never screamed from it when someone was calling me; and Lady Gaga could not announce the arrival of a text message for two reasons (neither of them really existed yet). I aged right along with Jessica Darling and had the wherewithal to be disgusted with her choices in the final book.

Sigh…

I have no idea what Gossip Girl is. I couldn’t tell you the name of one of those annoying pasty teenagers or smelly guys on (long pause to remember the name of the movie/book series) Twilight. If asked what happened on the latest episode of the new 90210 (a show for which I was too young the first time around and too old this time around), all I could tell you is that it stars that chick from the new Degrassi series (a show I shamelessly watch on their website, watching “vomments” from angsty teens who really do think that show “goes there” and that a typical year in high school should include shootings, anorexia, abortions, stabbings, and the occasional gonorrhea outbreak…makes Jessie Spano’s caffeine pill addiction look like child’s play). The Jonas Brothers never graced my walls like the Tiger Beat pin-ups, centerfolds, and posters of JTT, Devon Sawa, Jonathan Brandis (RIP), or Rider Strong. I kouldn’t kare less about the Kardashians; I loathe the very being of Miley Cyrus; and American Idol has never been a career aspiration of mine (although Big Brother is a different story).<span style="font-size: 9pt; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-fareast-font-

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I know what some of you are thinking: you’re 24…that’s not old! But when teenagers ask “Who?” in reference to Steven Q. Urkel, and cannot recognize the theme song from Who’s the Boss? or think that Scott Baio only famous for being 47, married, and pregnant, and not for being “in charge”…it tends to make this 1985 baby feel ancient.