Letter to the Past…

Dear 20 year-old Megan,

It’s you, but five years in the future.  See, you’re still around!  I know things are really tough right now for you, but just keep on keeping on and I’ll give you some hints for navagating the next few years.

Looking back at a journal entry from August 6, 2005 I remember how dark the future looked.  I know it was a scary time for you and it seemed like you were helpless to change things.  I wrote this letter to let you know that things DO turn around for you…just give it a few years.

I’m not going to go into too much detail on what’s coming up in your life.  I’ll just say that friendships will change and you’ll be okay; your religion will change and you’ll be okay; you’ll experience a life-changing trauma and you’ll be okay; you’ll have relationships that blossom and then decay and guess what…you’ll be okay!  You’re much stronger than you give yourself credit for.

Mainly, what I want to say is that you’re going about seeking love and acceptance in all the wrong ways.  First of all, you’re confusing pity with love.  You believe that if someone saw the good inside of you that they’d help fix everything else and fall in love with you.  You’re not broken, so you don’t need to be fixed.  Don’t exaggerate or fabricate problems in order to gain attention.  People are not typically drawn to those who have a multitude of problems. You have so many good qualities and those should be what makes you attractive, not being needy and seeking approval and advice.

Live life at your own pace, not by what the church prescribes.  Believe me, you’ll find that any relationship with someone currently in your life will not end well.  There’s an amazing man out there who will love you for who you are, not who you’re pretending to be.  He’s nearby geographically speaking, but you’re not ready for him yet (nor is he ready for you).  You need to heal and find that inner strength before you’re ready for real, true, pure, unadulterated love.

Things get easier!  You’ll find that problems that would have devastated you are mere setbacks as you mature.  Friendships will come and go, and even those that endure will change dramatically.  You may be among the last in your social circle to find what you’re looking for, but you’ll find it.  Even though you may not believe it now, you’ll find yourself in a situation where every facet of your life is going well.  You’ll have experienced undesirable things and those will make your life richer and you’ll be more able to appreciate the wonderful things surrounding you.

Hold on.  Hang on tight to life because it gets bumpy, but as far as I can tell you’re going to find love and happiness in the most unexpected places.

Love,

Megan at age 25

PS: Take Allie to a vet for a checkup…specifically ask about her kidney functions.