It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year!

All year long I wait with eager anticipation for a wondrous annual event that brings a smile to my face. This year, however, I’ve been even more excited about this amazing yearly ritual because I am ever so prepared to make it really count. I’ve been holding on to $75 in gift certificates since Christmas so I can really go nuts.

Obviously I’m talking about Crab Fest at Red Lobster.

Once a year Red Lobster celebrates the most delicious food known to man by offering delectable dishes featuring the crave-able crustacean and some of its slightly-less-delicious but still amazingly scrumptious under-the-sea pals. For example, sometime within the next week I hope to be filling my gut with the following:

Snow Crab & Roasted Garlic Seafood Bake, $19.99: "1 full pound of steamed snow crab legs paired with tender shrimp and sea scallops roasted in a garlic and white wine broth. Served with sweet corn on the cob and red potatoes."

OMG…they should just call it the Seafood Orgasm Bucket! Throw in some Alaskan King Crab Legs, call it the Seafood Multiple Crippling Orgasms Bucket, charge $29.99, and everyone’s having a good day. Jesus Lobsterbib Christ, even I’d light up a Marlboro Light after that thing!

As you can see, my sense of decency and morality goes out the window when Crab Fest comes around. It’s like Hedonism up in here and, yes, I’m coming home with crabs!