High Anxiety

Today we had our first significant snowfall. I say significant because even thought it didn’t accumulate much it snowed pretty much all day. There are no windows in my part of the office so I kept going over into our psychotherapy clinic at work to look out their windows to watch the snow fall.

Driving home people were driving as if we were in a blizzard. Traffic was moving about 20-30mph slower than usual so it took me a while to get home. I didn’t realize Bobby had a haircut after work so when 6:30pm came around and I still hadn’t heard from him I began to worry. Then I saw on the news that there was an accident at the 75/35 interchange (where we both pass through to come home) and that worry intensified. I just heard from him and he’s safely at his appointment getting his hair cut.

But I still worry. I worry that I finally found a man who I won’t lose in all the ways I’ve become accustomed to losing people, but I could lose him in other ways. I fear that my dreams may never come true, not because we break up or grow apart, but that something could happen to him. I know my worrying won’t help anything; it won’t keep him safe and it won’t change the course of our lives, but despite the irrationality of it I still do it.

I guess I have to trust that God knows what He’s doing and He won’t give me more than I can handle. I also need to trust that God will provide for me in His own way.