On feeling sad sometimes

I’m not a sad person but sometimes I feel sad, I’m not sure what I feel sad for, maybe for not having someone I could care, I want to care for some reason. It’s like my wish to care for someone has no where to go. I feel… sad… for the good time? Hmm… I think I wish there was someone who I could have meaningful friendship/relationship with. It makes me treasure good relationships with people more.

I stopped looking for potential partners a few years ago. Before that, I cried at night sometimes, wishing I had a partner. In most of my twenties I somewhat wish people I met could be the potential partners. Later I realized that people aren’t who you think they are when you know them a bit. You know a bit part of them, not all of them, not even most of them. they might have something you don’t like at all. At a glance, they could be nice, they could be fun, but it’s just a small part of them, they might be defensive, they might be close minded once you know them more. The fantasy isn’t real.

I found myself want to yell sometimes. I know who I want to yell to. but yeah, I don’t really think about it most of the day now.

I watched some psychology videos and learnt about attachment styles and how to deal with them…yet I think no matter what kind of attachment style you have, you would think about your actions if you actually care about the relationship, you would grow and introspect, and you would be a better partner, so at the end, I think not knowing those things wouldn’t matter.