I Wish I Could Stop

I hate myself for thinking about him although yes, I’m better now. I have been watching Susan Winters on YouTube every time I start to dwell in the memories. I’m not sure if I should treat it as a breakup or not since it was just a friendship if it was ever an actual one.

Every time when I told myself the only closure, the only answer you need is him ditching you. I started to question myself, why he did those things for me though, why he was good to me though? And I fucking hate it. I want it to stop. I want myself to stop. I think ultimately, despite all the good memories, the fact that they can’t go through difficulties with you is the most important deal breaker. You can have good time and fun with many people but only those who actually care about you will stay and help you. Wonder how many people would do that for me, wonder if I will meet someone who I like will do it for me. I can’t see the full picture because I kept thinking about those good memories. I need a way out, to be outside my memories. I need time.