Suffocating

I will die here. In this house. With you in the room next door. With your negativity all over me like blood, or maybe that’s my negativity.

It doesn’t matter what I say or to whom. I am wrong always.  The people that I live with, interact with on a daily basis somehow make me feel like shit, and when I take my power back they say I am angry all the time, waspish, snap, yell, am a bitch. I am not allowed to vent, or anything like it. I’m supposed to be meek and mild I suppose. To make them feel better and then walk on me like a rug. There for you all, but your not here for me. With my power or without it I’m always miserable, suffocating, dead inside so I don’t offend anyone.

Goddess, I wish I was stronger.

Log in to write a note
October 22, 2018

i feel like i’m expected to just not feel at all. even if i didn’t have a mood disorder, i’d find that ridiculous. i’m sure i’d rather be a bubbling emotional mess than robotic like my husband. they pretty much just ignore me & my feelings. i’m learning i just have to look elsewhere for those needs.

October 22, 2018

@pearlysweetcake I know and understand being ignored. It’s better because then you can be silent and let it all wash off your shoulders without acknowledging the pain for as long as you can. Some times the silence is s comforting.

October 23, 2018

@darkzymphony 100% agree. i take it as far as going literal. you should hear how quiet the house is when i’m home alone. i guess it really is my comfort.