My lips are glued shut

I don’t know how to say all the things in heart, my soul. I use music so much to help me try and process. Lately it’s Meg Myers Monster, Elle King Can’t be loved, Bebe Rexha I’m going to show you crazy, and Lana Del Rey Dark Paradise that are most played….

My Chihuahuas don’t know what’s wrong, only that something is, as I cry my silent tears so no one else recognizes or hears. Deep inside my battered body is the little girl who can’t stop screaming, screaming, screaming….

It’s all shattering. Everying, into tiny silver tongued blasphemy tumbling from my mouth, from behind my teeth. And then there’s your word vomit being spewed all over me.

The earth is opening underneath my bare feet and I scramble to stay upright. Keeping the light burning bright so I can find my way.

Nothing is quite what it needs to be. I’m still trying pushing through my daily horrors. Taking my meds to pretend that in the face of it all, I am good, I’m ok, I’m peachy keen; don’t you believe me?

Maybe someday if I act hard enough, believe long enough it’ll finally be true. HA!!!

I still have no choice I can’t quit, I have to persevere through this darkness…..

And I’ll still be screaming, screaming, screaming

(Whispering what are you doing to me?)