Day by day your by hour

I am coming to grips. I am working my aas off. Trying to remember my meds. Learning g that I can say I don’t need a special someone in my as all my relationships and in disaster. I’m even trying/starting to believe it.

D is in Vegas.Seems to be doing ok. Spoke to J  my sister from another mother who is also in Vegas, going to be giving them contact info.

Thinking about my mother and stepfather, wondering if I should try and reach out more.

The girl/woman who is back in Oregon is well, herself mostly. And well, I’m not in the picture for romance at least right now. By the time she thinks about It as a real possibility it might be to late. Refer to the top of this entry. I seriously wonder if all she is doing is keeping me on the hook to be used as a tool for her own purposes.

I wish that I was with you (who ever you are. Where ever you are) spending our days and nights together do I g whatever grips our fancy. I’m starting to think there is no one out there (again refer to the top of the entry), that I should stop trying, stop putting my self out there, it’s making me….I don’t know, sick, lonely AND alone, lost, bereft.

I keep hearing Ellie King Can’t be loved in my mind theater system.

Keep on trudging, day by day hour by hour. Some say that you get to a certain point and then there isn’t anyway but up. Maybe i am finally there.

How are you my fellow Open Diary people?