News – The Big Easy, Hard on the Wallet

North America

Bush makes a pretty speech and promises a boatload of neato things. And across this great nation, fiscal conservatives fall dead from massive coronaries. Man is this going to cost. And just to prove that he believes in the bullheaded American spirit, he vows to rebuild New Orleans in the same flood plain, with better than ever levies and everything. Now taking bets on how long until the billions spent in reconstruction get flushed again. Deficits, ho! He might not be able to envision America without New Orleans, but I surely can, as no one city or region is a personification of this nation. Falling into such sentimental traps causes.. well, the massive waste we’re about to see in New Orleans.

One good thing in his speech is a general look at the nation’s security plans, with the Department of Homeland Security dealing with it. This should have been their job for the past four years. Maybe if it had, we’d have not been slammed as hard by Katrina and reacted with more alacrity. Now is the time to plan for all possible scenarios of natural disaster and general mayhem so once the shit hits the fan, we won’t get an eyeful of it.

Packed with abandoned pets, the rescuers trying to gather them to safety have started simply leaving food and water. That they managed to extract and store over 4,000 pets is no small feat. Pity there’s no more room.

Ophelia gets downgraded as it heads toward New England and Canada. Fortunately this storm didn’t even come close to leaving the sort of devastation that Katrina did. Another of those is the last thing we’d need.

Trying to figure out what Roberts really thinks from those rare real answers.

Explainer notes why airlines go bankrupt.

Middle East

Saddam’s big day in court is coming, though there are still questions of political taint and fairness with regard to the tribunal that will judge him. Those worries should be waylaid quickly, to add legitimacy. Of course, that assumes the powers involved care about legitimacy.

Hmm.. Sharon acknowledges Palestinian rights to statehood in his UN speech. That’s somewhat surprising. Now if only he would extend this to actually making an effort to help see it happen and foster peace, rather than stepping back and clucking his tongue at them.

Asia

Despite rosy commentary on the issue, the current US administration obviously hasn’t the patience to deal with North Korea, as the talks that have been going on devolve into a threat of freezing the country’s assets. Sure, that’ll work.

General

Lego execs find out they’ve been hacked, but rather than responding with kneejerk hostility they look first and find an opportunity where most companies would have seen legal action. We need more companies like Lego.

Today’s Papers has lack of presence at the latest step in Roberts’ confirmation, US intel saying that Abu Musab al Zarqawi’s fighters are more and more made up of Iraqis, a recent study confirming hurricanes are becoming more severe and more in the one page news.

Amusements

AOL and MSN planning possible merger that could result in massive ball of suck powerful enough to warp space and time

Thief hides cell phone up her ass. Reception past Saturn only $5/month extra

NZ find black cocks hard to swallow

Shanghai resident told to learn to speak the English more goodly so visitors confuse they don’t at 2010 Expo of World

If you’re driving a Krispy Kreme truck and a dog runs out in front of you, do you: A) Slam on the brakes? B) Ride it out and hope for the best? C) Ram into some light poles and spew your load of jelly-donut goodness into a seafood restaurant?

So you wanna be a “Hooters” girl? The Smoking Gun publishes Hooters employee manual

In surprisingly low-key deal, deed to White House bought by online casino for $43.45. “This unique item is a great example of American pop culture, and we think the Oval Office will make a great poker room”

Drunken wedding party mistakes man from another wedding as their missing photographer. Hundred-person melee ensues

Junior chess instructor arrested for trying to mate with his students. Should have just flogged the bishop

Man tries old “throw dog biscuits to distract drug-sniffing dog” trick with predictable results

Fark Photoshop Challenge: Photoshop this slip-n-slide setup

Fark Photoshop Challenge: Photoshop these Tibetan monks

Fark Photoshop Challenge: Photoshop this little kid drinking from a lion’s mouth