Just when you think you’ve got it

It’s so easy to look at my sister and see the scars left from our mother. The co-dependency, need to be loved/abandonment issues etc. ..so easy to see the cracks in other people. I thought I had done a good job acknowledging my cracks and worked hard to help them heal, only to find out I missed a few giant ones.

I realized today that there’s a part of me, that I’ve worked really hard to nurture, that knows I am important. To my family, my friends, my pets, my patients, my daughter. But there’s another part of me that I thought was dead and buried. A part that knows I’m just not important…enough. This, strangely enough, applies to everyone, except my daughter. I am her mother. I love her. I will be the mother my mother either couldn’t, or wouldn’t be for me.

but how do I do that, when I know I’m not good enough. Not a good enough friend, daughter, wife, sister, woman. There is an equal part- my head, that knows this is nonsense. I am good enough.

this is not something that can be fixed with a couple of bottles of wine or tequila with Kelly. I’m going to have to go back to therapy. I have to figure this nonsense out so I can be the best mom my daughter deserves.