Scary time

Dear Diary,

Once again as I come on here, it’s easy to believe I haven’t written in a while.  Time keeps on slippin’ into the future.

So, had another disagreement with Ryan last night and I slept in a 24-hr Giant Eagle parking lot.  He had been drinking, and after not drinking for a while, as his father has been around the house lately, I was hoping he wouldn’t be too angry or obnoxious.  He had only had maybe 8 or 9 beers when he started switching from being really nice, to saying he hated me.  It was 2am and I was tired and wanted to sleep.  He, of course, wanted to mess around and I knew I wouldn’t hear the end of it if I denied him.  Anyway he ending up calling me a liar about something, then told me to "go home to my mommy".  This is in reference to me usually driving away from the house because I don’t want to deal with his drunk self, and spending a night at my mothers’.  I could have done that last night, only I didn’t have enough gas and could only stick around the area.  It wasn’t too cold last night and I have a blanket in the car, and I parked away from all the other cars, hoping a security camera wouldn’t see me and send out a security guard or something.  I was also hoping a cop wouldn’t pull by my car and look inside for some reason.  Nope, had about a six hour sleep in my car last night.

*Sigh.  I’m kinda’ getting sick of his drunken outbursts.  He was doing so well not drinking, and I only was living with the real Ryan I know and love.  He even didn’t get as depressed as he does when drinking during his short sobriety.  I hope to go back later today and help him with his GED homework and get him to any AA meetings he has to go to.  I’m always worried driving back to his place, not sure if he’ll be pissed that I left, or grateful that I just came back.  We’ll see.