Theme of the week
"If you could become a fictional character for one day, who would it be?"
Edward from Twilight, hands down.
I would be Edward, and walk around (not looking like a douche bag who paid $600 for a "haircut" that anyone else in the entire world gets from sleeping on a pillow) being all sexy and shit and looking all innocent, and walking around in the sunlight and being all glittering, and I would probably also wear one of my hundreds of highschool gradguate gowns and look super sleek.
And I would be like, "where is my Bella? I need my love!"
And all these girls would be like, "oh man, he’s so sweet! He believes in true love and shit like that"
And then I’d be like, "Hey baby, I can’t find Bella, you wanna go back to my place and fuck hardcore and I will love you forever?"
And since the vast majority of women in the world start pissing vaginal lubrication at the mere mention of Edward, they would all be like, "oh hell yeah I do I love you! I have been waiting for this moment all my life."
But then I would just take them back to my place and beat the shit out of them and tie them up, and throw them into the basement where there would be tons of other idiot girls who fell for the same trick, and I would use water torture techniques, and lots of mind games and shit…and I would probably rape them all repeatedly, and then let them all go so they can live with the understanding that they were being fucking idiots for swooning over a vampire in the first place, let alone a fictional character.
And then they would probably call the cops, but what the fuck are they going to do? I’m a fucking glittery vampire for christ sakes! I am immortal and pretty much indestructable, and I FUCKING GLITTER MAN! They wouldn’t even be able to shoot at me, they would be blinded by my pure sparkly radiance! That would be like shooting at the sun.
Then I would probably end up handcuffing all of the police officers to each other, and take turns raping them as well while I shouted things like, "I’M EDWARD FROM FUCKING TWILIGHT BITCHES! TWIIIIIIIIIIILIGHT! YEAH! I’M FUCKING THESE LITTLE PIGGY ASSHOLES!"
And there would be all these little girls, and fat goth bitches, standing on the sidewalk bawling their eyes out as all of their hopes and dreams about true love come crashing down before their very eyes.
Then at the end of it all I would grab one of the cops guns and say something really dramatic like, "I did this all because I love Bella…it was all for her! I BELIEVE IN TRUE LOVE!" and then everyone would smile and feel good about life again, because I did this all for love, but then I would shoot myself in the head and all the girls would start crying again because it would be so tragically romantic.
But then, as I already stated, I would be a vampire so I would just jump back up and be like, "SPYCHE BITCHES! COME HER AND GET SOME RAPE!"
Yup…that’s what I would do.
Fuck you.
Don’t judge me.
It’s my body I do what I want.
Yeah, not helping my throat. At all. But I loved laughing nonetheless!
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Best answer, ever.
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I’d be Morph from X-Men, cause then I could be anyone I wanted with his morphing ability. Oooooh, I’m sly. Let the imagination work that one, lol.
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i hope the real edward can live up to these standards now in the sequel. if not im gonna be really disappointed!
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*laughs hysterically* Rock on, dude! This really is the BEST answer ever!! THANK YOU for writing and posting this. 🙂 Take good care.
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hahahaha!!
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this is brilliant.
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The funny thing is that most of the girls that read this would kill to be raped by edward. I mean yeah he’s a romantic fictional character that most girls dream of, but most of them just want vampire peen. Go to youtube and look up nuttymadam. Then check this out: http://i39.tinypic.com/29ehb1x.jpg hahahah
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*chuckles evilly* And here is where I wish I could dangle food in front of you and see if it makes you do tricks or something… 😉 It was REALLY GOOD food too, I have to say…just cuz I’m a female so apparently I get off watching guys squirm from hunger pains… *laughs* Seriously, hope you get some food soon! Poor guy… *sad lil’ frown* I honestly feel bad for you. It’s the cook in me, I guess. Not too big a fan on eating, but I *HEART* seeing others full and happy! 🙂 Good luck with your…cyber fishing…? Yeah. Don’t think you’ll catch much that way, but hey, you seem like a rather brilliant fellow, so we’ll see. *smiles* Take care!
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Hah…don’t forget to piss on everyone in the basement. Oh wait, you can’t cause you’re a vampire. Hmm…well than, get someone else to do it for you.
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hahahahaha yes… memo to readers/moviegoers… it’s NOT REAL. I know that’s shocking.
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ha. love it. edward is hot.
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If I could be any fictional character, I’d be God.
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Hmm..I don’t know where that quote is from. Bad of me that I don’t know where I took that quote from huh? Anyhow, good luck with the immortal thingy…
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You hipster vampire wannabe, you. COME HERE AND GET SOME RAPE! Ha!!! I think I’m officially the last person on the planet that hasn’t read or seen Twilight. I don’t know who Edward is, but I’m sure you could pull off being him better than he can.
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Absolutely hysterical.
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Yes.
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Ryn: Will it involve cupcakes? If so, I’m a French whore. Don’t tell Locked.
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lmfao.
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Sweet jesus! your scenario is missing a gang bang. but i guess with the multiple rapes that would be overkill. otherwise, extremely funny!
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UGH! THAT THROAT CLENCHING, BELLY RUBBING SUPERMAN! I’m just going to chill here and enjoy my “Y.”
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What???? You’re f*cking brilliant! Now I wanna be Edward from twilight but your version. Lol.
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Hahah Niiiice.
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thank you : ) but lets save that for another occasion.
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r: You FREAK!!!!!! hahaha =) It’s really not something I’d ever thought about myself. I know a lot of guys that have told me they think short/long hair is sexier than the other, or they have preferences for certain hair colors and stuff like that, but I’ve really never thought of hair itself being all that much of a turn on. I told a girl at work about it and now every time I walk by
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her, she tells me how beautiful she thinks my hair is and I give her a wink and offer to let her touch it. This dude we work with walked up during the wrong end of one of those conversations and heard “He asked me if he could touch it.” “Did you let him?” “Yeah, what the hell?” The dude’s eyes got really huge and he was like “You let who touch what?” lol so I told him I was in a porno and walked
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I have not seen the movie or read the books. I don’t understand this entry. I’m so not cool.
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off. He knew I was kidding but unfortunately someone else we work with walked up right as I said “I was in a porno.” This guy brought on all kinds of weirdness for me yesterday lol. There was a reason I told you all that and now I forgot what it was.
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“Gaaaaaaayyyyy” -Ed, Shaun of the Dead. >;D
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RYN: what kills me even more then the media being twofaced is the fact that the city of LA is partially footing the bill for his public memorial. It’s complete and total BS. He’s worth millions on top of millions and it pisses me off. They can’t afford to pay city workers and are making them take a pay cut but yet they can foot the bill for some dead celebrity.
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well at this rate you should just be romeo… at least he had cool moves and didn’t glitter
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Ryn: oh absolutely. Kelly would be like, “Bitch what the fuck are you doing pissing on my face?! That’s some nasty shit!” hahaha I don’t know, maybe he’d just cry. Did you ever see the Chappelle Show episode where he talked about running in to R Kelly and he’s like “That niggas mad at me!” and everybody laughs and he’s like, “No really, that nigga’s mad!”
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He tells everybody that R Kelly ask how he could make a video about pissing on people and Dave said to him, “How can YOU make a video about pissing on people?” hahaha it was funny shit. i don’t do it justice.
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Haha, shit this was good.
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Hilarious. Thank you for sharing this.
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That caused rib-aching laughter.
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