spinning lights, don’t be scared, you have given..

 …so much more. 

 

I found out a few days ago that I knocked one of my friends up in December. 

She freaked out and her psychic told her not to tell me about it and just go ahead with the abortion for fear that I would try to talk her out of it…

she aborted it in January. 

The funny thing, is during about a three week period when we did have sex, I was wondering about the possibility of a child coming into my life and really whipping my shit together you know? Maybe I would feel this overwhelming un-known capacity for love and responsibilty that would help me turn my life around. 

Become a man.

Stop being so selfish.

Have something else to focus on but my own stupid bullshit. 

 

…so it’s kind of weird her psychic told her not to tell me. 

I have never believed in that kind of shit, but I Have also never thought I would be a person to want a child…anyway, she told me just a few days ago, said she was planning on never telling me but she got drunk and it slipped.

We never dated or anything, just a friend who I Have had casual drunk sex with a few times.

I guess it all worked out for the best.

 

Yesterday I tried to go all day without a single drink.

I am almost there. I don’t really shake anymore until I Have gone a little over 12 hours, I am starting to take solid shits again…it’s nice…

But yesterday hurt really bad for some reason.

 

A friend gave me some valium and told me it would help me take my mind off of it…I took one and it kind of helped, but towards the end of the night I Had a few drinks, so I took another. 

 

I don’t remember much except blondie telling me she was starting to get frustrated with me and blah blah blah blah….

It seems like we have both been standing on a sinking ship for the last few weeks anyway.

 

This morning when she went to school, I was the only one there, so I grabbed all of my shit and took it with me…you know, just to avoid the awkward collection thing when two people realize that they are no longer one person…

 

I don’t think either one of us got to the "one person" stage, not even close…but you know what I mean. I would rather just grab my shit and be on the safe side.

 

So…

 

I’m cutting all my hair off today.

 

Should be a good time.

 

I am also realizing more and more that I really like living in Salt Lake City. 

It’s the fastest growing city in American yet is still somehow holding on to a sense of community.

This summer some friends and I are going to be throwing these awesome bi-monthly free events for people. It’s going to be really DIY (people can bring food, beer, whatever) and will usually meet at a park somewhere. 

In June we are holding a massive water balloon fight in this huge park. We are going to provide about 500 balloons, but we encourage people to bring their own, and some squirt guns because why not? ALso if people bring food we can grill it up, anyone who brings something can eat for free, anyone else throws a dollar in the jar…We really think it’s going to be cool.

I am the promoter for the team…it’s completely non-profit, we are doing this all in the name of awesome. 

And yeah…

 

I’m really busy lately. I see people in spurts basically. 

I dunno.

 

I have always felt kind of lonely and isolated…but this is different.

It’s not just depression or thinking I’m a freak.

 

I really am just kind of alone lately.

 

But that’s a story for another day.