Life is so funny.
Not really "funny haha"
I mean…sometimes it’s like that.
But right now it’s just strange.
I wonder how I am going to look back on the last six months. I wonder if it’s something I will be able to laugh about in the future.
I am wondering the same thing about the last three years…
All I know for sure is that I am rebuilding a lot of the bridges I have burned down. Some of them I can’t really just walk across whenever I want to yet, but at least I can get to the other side if I absolutely have to.
Other bridges…well, they are too far gone. I will never see them again. They are gone forever.
I have always prided myself on my ability to be able to watch people come and go in and out of my life without really caring. I accepted at a very early age that people don’t stick around just because you want them to.
But…
I don’t know if it’s because I am getting older, or if maybe I thought that for a while there I had actually found something consistent. Something I could rely on…
But I really lost everything.
And now it freaks me out.
I am building a new life (again) and there is this thought in the very back of my mind that keeps telling me I shouldn’t bother because I am just going to lose it all anyway.
I’m not going to let that stop me…
But I don’t want to start from scratch again. I am sick of putting all of this effort into foundations and structures if I’m just going to let it all fall apart…or even worse, tear it down myself.
I dunno.
Every day I feel a little better these days.
Every day I feel like I am moving in the right direction at least.
Every day I feel like people are starting to trust me a little more…
I was a pretty bad person.
I was a very bad person.
I am a fucking addict and I let it take control.
I’m over that.
*HUGS*
Warning Comment
stupid quotes usually hold water “you live and you learn” keep moving forward!
Warning Comment
You know who doesn’t think that life is funny? Retarded quadrapalegics.
Warning Comment
Warning Comment
ME PROUD OF DANE
Warning Comment
🙂 Seriously though. You are doing so well and just moving up and on is the best thing you can do. The only time you should look back is to learn from your mistakes. But don’t let it eat you up inside. Just keep building up. You’re doing great!!!! <3
Warning Comment
“But I don’t want to start from scratch again. I am sick of putting all of this effort into foundations and structures if I’m just going to let it all fall apart…or even worse, tear it down myself.” You start from scratch only once, when you are ejected, wailing, from your mother’s body. After that, it’s all modification. “I am an addict and I let it take control.” Good confession. Now what do you do next? Well, you can worry about building pyramids, or you can work at troweling in one brick. I’d go with one brick at a time.
Warning Comment
“super sized conformity. i walked away and i’m still me… free to go fucking crazy.” you’re rad, and i’m glad we’re friends, even if our paths never meet and you’re always ten feet ahead of me… at least this way i’ve always got a good shot at kicking your ass 😉 you’re doing good, Dane.
Warning Comment
This is by far my favorite entry of yours. No doubt.
Warning Comment