God is dead

and no one cares.
If there is a hell, I’ll see you there.

 

Sunday morning…

Vodka.

Nine Inch Nails.

The Downward spiral…both literally and sonically.

Fuck you.

Yeah…you…fuck you.

I don’t care.

 

If my liver starts to fail, which it might have already, I am not sure…I will just drink through the pain.

I hear your skin gets mushy.

 

I already started to get sallow once…my skin took on a yellowish undertone and my eyes got big dark brown circles around them and I became fat.

It was wonderful.

And you keep building up this tolerance, suddenly you can’t get drunk at all, and then out of nowhere your tolerance leaves you right in the middle of your slow long and painful suicide by drink.

I guess the tolerance level collapses under its own weight.

I told her I was crazy. I told her I would ruin it.

The feelings that I think are valid are probably ape shit nuts.

Great.

She fell asleep at some point yesterday…I sat down on the kitchen floor and just cried in the corner for an hour.

The fucked up part is that was before shit got bad.

Well…confrontational anyway.

I guess crying in the corner is pretty bad.

Hahaha.

Later I asked this old Chinese dude that lives in our building if he would give me a hug because I needed one…I don’t think I have ever seen anyone that uncomfortable.

Fuck it, I needed a hug.

I have been researching suicide.

If you do a search for "Quick painless suicide" a few things will come up.

One tells you about hell and stuff…Jesus is dumb. Oh, you don’t like life do you? You want out? Well, by all means find your own way out…INTO SOMETHING WORSE!

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHQHAHAHAHAHAHA!

That will teach YOU not to smile scumbag!

 

Yeah, like I’m really supposed to believe that anyone will actually be hurt or miss me when I’m gone?

They don’t like me already…when I’m alive they don’t like me…so the only thing I can think about is that my death will just be fodder for their little drama story time theater bullshits they call their lives.

 

My friend Ben brought me over a book last night…it’s about a near death experience, but this chick saw hell. She tried to kill herself. I started reading it and in the first chapter it is completely obvious this woman is an asshat.

 

Near death experiences are bullshit.

It is just a chemical reaction in your brain…it’s kind of like an "out of body experience". When you start to die, or are going through anything too traumatic, the brain won’t accept it and starts to fire off everything it has. That’s why people think they see the things they think they see.

"Dane, that’s fucking dumb…you suck, I break it down for J.C. on the daily"

Well then fuck you hemeroid of the earth because if "near death experiences" were real then everyone would probably have something extremely similar to one another, and they wouldn’t all be a bunch of christian tea bags.

But my mom had me read a lot after my second suicide attempt…let me tell you, it was a joy to be in a locked suicide watch room with a handful of books about how Jesus wants me to stay here no matter hoe miserable I am because if I don’t, he’s going to make miserabler.

Yeah, I just said miserabler, what are you gonna do about it you skank fuck?

That’s what I thought.

It’s dumb.

If anything happens when you die, it’s kept a pretty big fucking secret from all of us…so why would you be able to take it back with you just because your heart stopped for a few seconds and they started it again.

 

Fuck…One of my best friends girlfriend (ex now) died of a heroin overdose and she was dead for a few fucking minutes. She’s back now and guess what she took away from the experience? BRAIN DAMAGE!

You see shit on psychadelics too…hmmm, also gives you brain damage.

Weird.

 

God is dead.

 

What a dumb bitch, I would fucking yank his balls off if he was real.

If God was Allanis Moresette though, I would give her a hug…

oh wait…I did give Allanis a hug once. That was pretty rad.

 

 

Blah blah blah, memememememememe

cocaine you know?

 

Nine Inch Nails
Vodka
Hate
Yeah
Nice sunday if I do say so myself.

 

Seriously, if death is just a bunch of nothingness then I can’t wait.

It’s probably going to suck though.

Full of part time jobs I can’t get because my previous employer bags on me…

There is no microwave so all the frozen food you buy you have to eat frozen.

The fresh food sucks too because you don’t get any knifes.

Have you ever tried to cut a zuchinni with a spoon or a fork?

Further, have you ever just totally went for it and munched the shit out of a zuchinni? It’s kind of like eating dick except when your done you don’t get a protein surprise all over your fucking face.

I like eating dick better.

 

Fuck everything.

Fuck everyone.

 

It won’t give up it wants me dead, god damn this noise inside my head…