four days without drinking…

means four days without sleep.

 

…fuck.

 

I’m starting to go crazy.

 

Seriously, all of the colors are looking a little off.

I mean, I’m sleeping.

But not much.

And it’s not good sleep.

And they are not good dreams.

 

I drank an entire pot of super strong coffee this morning.

That was…well, that made for an interesting afternoon.

I just wanted to do everything all the time at the same time ever now oh my god I needed to do something it was so great everything so great look how great it is outside oh my god let’s go see a movie let’s go have a water balloon fight and a bbq and and and and…

…caffeine crash.

 

So…uh…you wanna eat some curry?

Yeah

 

Curry

 

That’s the ticket.

 

Holy shit, I am losing my mind.

 

 

 

No withdrawls this time though

No shakes

No pains

No throwing up

Nothing horrible happened to make me want to stop drinking.

 

I was doing really good at controlling it.

 

I’m just not where I want to be yet.

 

Not sure where that is exactly…I just know I’m on my way and that I’m not there

And I also know that I am impatient and drinking is just slowing down the whole process of…

…whatever it is I’m in the process of.

 

I could name a few things

well…goals.

Jesus christ I’m typing like an idiot.

I can’t keep…oh yeah, goals

 

So goals…I have a few goals I would like to get to

But reaching those goals aren’t "THE PLACE" I want to be.

 

…Disneyland

I’m talking about Disneyland

That’s where I want to be and drinking won’t help me get there.

God damnit.

 

I don’t know if I’m strong enough to get to Disneyland.

What if I can’t make it?

 

What if I don’t have $160 for the park bounce pass?

Fuck…it’s okay

California adventure can come later, it’s Disneyland I’m after.

 

If I don’t go on the finding Nemo Submarine ride…I’m….IMMA KILL SOMEONE!

 

I need to find Nemo

It’s become and obsession.

I just sit and draw pictures of nemo all day.

Yesterday I started drawing all of these random pictures.

After I drew picture number 482 I stopped and looked at the stack of pages and started feverishly tacking them up on the gigantic wall I own in this field I was drawing in…I don’t own the field though. Anyway, I noticed the pictures came together to form Nemo.

For a second I thought I found him.

Then I thought maybe he found me.

Then I realized there weren’t any pictures at all and I don’t even know where the closest field is, let alone own a wall.

 

Wait.

I’m thinking of Moby Dick.

 

I’m obsessed with finding Moby Dick.

The drum solo though, not the stupid fucking whale.

 

Why doesn’t anyone understand me?

 

I can’t watch anymore tv.

It’s so hot in here.

I am as naked as I can get…what’s with this heat?

no…not Miami heat you dumbass

Temperature!

Temper temperature.

 

…haha.

 

 

 

Just kidding everyone. I’m not crazy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

…or am I?

 

 

DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUN!