06/14/2013

Believe me, it’s not the way to go. I’m lucky to be alive today. If it weren’t for my second ex-psycho, I’d be pushing up daisies right now. It took three suicide attempts to realize that it wasn’t what I wanted, all I ever did want is to be happy. Can’t be happy when you’re dead, can you? Obviously rhetorical. You’ve got enough friends here who would be willing to kick you in the balls, to feel.

If you ever really need to talk though, Man. I’ll hear you out. You would be able to say everything you have to without necessarily having everybody know about it. Pfff.. And who the fnck am I anyway? I’m just some random guy who’s just as messed up as you are. I’d be lying if I told you that I wouldn’t be prepared to go crawl into the bushes like a sick dog if had to. You know what I mean?

The point is: There’s always time to change your mind. That’s the first thing that you have to do, matter of fact. Hard to change it, after a commitment has been made. Let me tell you something: I was on the public light-rail when some guy walked in front of it and got run over and dragged underneath it. Afterward, some people laughed, made jokes, stupid speculations about what might have happened

All I could think about is: How awful it must have been to have absolutely no one there, to be so alone that he would write a note, walk infront of that train for all those people to sit there for 45 minutes afterward. And who knows how many of even them would have been there? I can tell you, if I’d have known, I would have. Everyone needs someone, sometimes. I am honored to be that person.

It sure beats the hell out of that feeling of sickness, knowing that I wasn’t able to do anything at all. Does that make sense?

I have always thought that, but maybe it is more of a want than a reality.

R: Oh, he’s bisexual. Or, anything-sexual, I could almost say.

I’ll see you when I get there.

R: Lube? Is it like, standard procedure for me to lube up before I cross state lines into Cali? Also, you in Cali already?