Who do you Appreciate?

When I speak about appreciation, I often use this quote by Albert Schweitzer:

"Sometimes our light goes out but is blown again into flame by an encounter with another human being. Each of us owes the deepest thanks to those who have rekindled this inner light."

Then I ask my audiences to please shut their eyes and think about someone, who at some time in their lives, has rekindled their inner light. I leave the room in silence for several minutes, and it is always a profound experience as they remember the joy they received from being appreciated by someone when they needed it the most.

Afterwards, I ask them to write down the name of the person they thought of and to commit to their own act of appreciation by letting that person know in the next 72 hours that he or she was thought of. I suggest a phone call, a note, or even a little prayer if they are no longer living.

After one moving session, a gentleman came up to talk with me and thanked me for creating a new awareness in him. He said he thought of his eighth grade literature teacher because she was everyone’s favorite teacher, and had really made a difference in all of their lives. He planned to track his teacher down, and when he finally found her, he wrote to her.

The following week he received this letter:

Dear John,

You will never know how much your letter meant to me. I am 83 years old, and I am living all alone in one room. My friends are all gone. My family’s gone. I taught 50 years and yours is the first "thank you" letter I have ever gotten from a student. Sometimes I wonder what I did with my life. I will read and reread your letter until the day I die.

He just sobbed on the phone.  He said, "She is always the one we talk about at every reunion. She was everyone’s favorite teacher – we loved her!"   But no one had ever told her…until she received his letter.

This excerpt from ‘The Simple Truths of Appreciation’, by Barbara A. Glanz, illustrates a weakness in our human psyche that all of us possess in some degree.   The most ‘humble’ among us, are probably the most grateful; finding the silver linings in situations without searching, while the rest of us race, full speed, to succeed and achieve. 

We’re Americans ..  the most privileged on earth.

Isn’t that a pity?  What ever happened to childhood manners of  ‘please and thank you’?  Has it ever occurred to you to turn your head, before getting off the bus, to say ‘Thank You’ to the person sitting in the driver’s seat,  who relentlessly rides back and forth on the same paths, a dozen times a day?  Oh, we have our way to say what isn’t said, we tip and our older generation, has made this practice an art.  The white haired hump backed man or woman that surrenders a vital part of their limited income in gratitude, invaritably press it into your palm with a slight light squeeze to impress it on you.  Then, they look into your face and clearly state the words .. THANK YOU.  It couldn’t be more obvious with such sincerity. Unfortunately, many of us read the wrong meaning into even THESE gestures, opening our fist to reveal a pitense of what we calculate the worth of our services to be.  Some will even argue the point to punish or admonish in this circumstance. What a pity, I say again.

The example, outlined above, is on a grander scale.  All of us have known a mentor or model that did us a good turn at some period in the past.   For whatever reason, we went on with our lives, better for having them in it, and never delivered an ounce of appreciation for their time and effort to put us on a solid path.

I can’t say that every attempt to reconcile that truth in my own life has been a rewarding one.  In those times, I’ve had to convert the act into its own reward, because there’s enough ‘do good’ in it to insure a clear conscience.  However, more often than not, a reward for the practice does return to you .. sometimes in ways you never imagined; not that ‘reward’ is what you’re after.  What you’re after, is to exercise your generosity by recognizing your indebtedness.  You’re using your gratitude to better another’s condition.  You’re paying someone back for their services to you and it may feel like a drop in the bucket for what they gave you.  But, it’s a treasure trove to the overlooked and overused.

At day’s end, it’s the ‘tip’ that’s cherished and revisited.  It’s the story that doesn’t grow old.