7/2/07

     I suppose it’s my own fault.   A couple days ago I posted an entry here.  In the meantime, as I made my daily jaunt through OD favorites, I found that no one was updating.  It was SO unusual, to not find SOMEONE updating about SOMETHING, that I began to worry that it was my computer .. or the website.  The entry was laced with sex and centered on infidelity, but no one was reading it.  I’m afraid I went from curious to confounded to frustrated and, at that point, I deleted.  It must not be fit to read.

     It WAS an entry that I edited several times.  It was a long entry.  The process gave me misgivings, the disinterest made me feel I was filling up space.  I finally threw in the towel.  But, in doing that, I felt I needed a ‘gravestone’ for what went before.  It, at least, deserved THAT .. and an epitaph.

     The demise of my writing ‘failure’, my crippled creation, born with hope for SO much, was my fault, because I wasn’t sold on it.  I THOUGHT I was, but this is a lesson in trusting your ‘gut’.  I don’t think any of us writes on this diary (open to the public) without a care to how it’s received.  Notes tell you that.  However, it was my fault also, because I haven’t been posting, as much as I used to.  I read favorites daily, think my thoughts and haven’t left my OWN  in notes for them.    I write daily and leave very little for my readers to consume. 

     Perhaps, I’m not one of YOUR favorites and you got used to coming by on your own, without a ‘new entry’ prompt,  to find something interesting on a routine basis, then realized I’ve been remiss, for a few months now,  in letting my juices cover the page religiously.  I have a couple ‘favs’ I adore reading, but their lives and priorities have changed, I assume.  At any rate, they aren’t writing where I can read it .. IF they’re writing.  But, I keep their diaries on my favorites, just in case they visit theirs and leave a piece of themselves to be gobbled up.

     I’m on everyday.  I’m reading everyday .. and I’m writing everyday or sifting through imagination for entry ideas  and pursuing them to an early death or an assisted living life, in my computer files.  One of my very favorite ‘reads’, simply tore her pages from this diary and started over, but her first entry was ‘goodbye, for a time’.  Her decision, tore her pictures, her spirit and my private notes up when it was made.   Like her life, though ..  it’s HER diary.  What can you say?  Another great ‘read’ has never found a note from me on her entries, beyond the first one to be ‘added’ to her favorites.   I wonder, if she ever wonders about ME?

     Let’s see .. a grave marker  ..

In loving memory

      ‘The Affair’ 

  Born – 6/29/07 ~ Died – 7/02/07