It’s so weird..

..with them all talking about their grandparents and old times and stuff (my uncle and aunt on my mum’s side are here because of the whole nana in hospital thing) and feeling oddly close to them, which i don’t normally do, with my family. Like, here is my ancestry, or whatever.

And I’m feeling all close and connected and then the old ‘POLITICAL CORRECTNESS GONE MAD WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TO IF WE CAN’T DISCUSS OUR BIGOTRY IN PRIVATE’ conversation because god forbid we ever come to see how each tiny piece of bullshit becomes the cascade that buries another human being (this because of the Andy Gray being sacked from the sky television for being a sexist dick about women referees) and suddenly I feel so alienated like.. it’s just so.. out of place and unexpected and crass.. like playing the swan song on a vuvuzela.

I am feeling very odd. Though that might mean I’m coming down with the weird braincold my parents have had the past few days. Or tiredness from supreme lack of sleep or both plus.. I realise. No-one I know has ever really died you know? And my nana is going to, eventually, maybe soon, and grandmothers were the one sort of person I’m not sure I believed ever really died, you know, because they seem so ancient when you meet them already and by the time you’re old enough to actually register how people age and notice people getting older, like you do with your parents, you know, they’re already really old. Inconceivably old when you’re young, like santa claus or god or an oak tree.

If I ever have a child, or am an adult person to one, I will make certain, or try to, that they never come to believe it is a natural thing to be sad in isolation surrounded by the people who made you.