Chapter 2 – Season 1 – Episode 1: Volume 2: Episode continues

I was on my way to the mechanic shop to get my Ford Focus Zetec 1.6 TDCI DPF filter changed to a warranty level 4. Unfortunately, the mechanic’s customer was named Bob. Bob was drunk. As Bob stumbled into the waiting room, I explained to him that I needed the filter changed on my car so that it would be in perfect running condition when it re-entered my name. However, the nearest meet-and-greet seat to Bob was in the waiting room. I’d be hanging out in that waiting room anyway, so I took the shot. But of course, Bob was not satisfied with that. He looked all smug-like as he stumbled right up to the counter and shouted something at me with a death stare. He was pointing at me aggressively. What’s he doing? I thought. Bob may have just accused me of running his pickup truck, which I pretty much know for sure since it’s against my swinger community doctrine of sneaking people rides back to their cars, plus I’ve seen their suspicious volume and VIN plate as well. Or he may have hit me over the head with his ice bucket and whispered “lie” in my ear. Or… you know what? I don’t even care anymore. What he did next is bad. He became super agitated and threatened to call the police. Sound confused? Were you just stood up by the love of your life? What was she wearing? Did her nostrils flare and red-bay leaves glow orange (neon red halo totally negating the infrared lighting changes recommended by Jesus) that one time they went deep into Hef Lake during Brad Radcliffe’s October Doofus SmegCon Mugshot Pool Party in Oct 2013? Did she get a pocket-sized Christmas tree like Liz Lemon except on Steroids?! Her contact with the Stratford Bruce Springsteen half-birthday barnacle-just-in-development lived a long, musical, flush life that is now marred only with betrayal! That fiery bluesum tottenny air on midi dot points around sump astartment was neither a metaphor for metaporphasis nor themselves!

Random note: That reminds me, I have to take my car in for an MOT…

Anyways:

The Frijj Chocolate Fudge Brownie milkshake was out of date, and this was a tragic situation. Dan “Danger” Whitehead now had to run to the store to get more milkshake. Milkshake was vital to Dan’s day to day routine, without milkshake Dan become aggresively pointy. Dan Danger was thinking about Frijj Milkshake again. Frijj Milkshake was a sinister milkshake hero with amazing texture and outrageous taste. Dan walked over to the window and reflected on his crowded surroundings. He had always loved dirty Grocery Store with its orange, outrageous Outdated Milkshakes. It was a place that encouraged his tendency to feel ecstatic. Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the a sinister figure of Frijj Milkshake. Dan gulped. He glanced at his own reflection. He was a thoughtless, gracious, Frijj Chocolate Fudge Brownie Milkshake drinker with wobbly lips and feathery ankles. His friends saw him as an orange, outrageous ogre. Once, he had even brought a quick baby bird back from the brink of death. But not even a thoughtless person who had once brought a quick baby bird back from the brink of death, was prepared for what Frijj had in store today. The sleet rained like cooking lizards, making Dan anxious. Dan grabbed an enchanted ruler that had been strewn nearby; he massaged it with his fingers. As Dan stepped outside and Frijj came closer, he could see the embarrassed glint in his eye. Frijj gazed with the affection of 6601 rude kindhearted koalas. He said, in hushed tones, “I love you and I want Closure.” Dan looked back, even more anxious and still fingering the enchanted ruler. “Frijj, I love you, Frijj Fudge Brownie Milkshake,” he replied. They looked at each other with stable feelings, like two real, rabblesnatching rats singing at a very cowardly carol service, which had piano music playing in the background and two intelligent uncles boating to the beat. Suddenly, Frijj lunged forward and tried to punch Dan in the face. Quickly, Dan grabbed the enchanted ruler and brought it down on Frijj’s skull. Frijj’s slimy lips trembled and his slimy ankles wobbled. He looked unstable, his emotions raw like a smoked, sparkling sausage. Then he let out an agonising groan and collapsed onto the ground. Moments later Frijj Milkshake was dead. Dan Danger went back inside and made himself a nice drink of Frijj Chocolate Fudge Brownie Milkshake.

THE END