Psych Eval

Good day to all. What is there to say here? I felt like writing this morning and here I am. I tried to think of ideas and one finally came to mind. People have asked in the past about my stories. Where I get my ideas, inspirations, creative essence, whatever one wants to call it. What my stories mean, was there anything behind it. So, I sit here in a melencohly mood and try to be as truthful as I can. I talked to Marie earlier this week and one part of the “essence” of my stories came up. They are all about me. They are all my life. They are what happens, what I want, what I wish, what I dream, and what my nightmares are like. They are the way music moves me. They are also the way that I express my feelings for the day. This will probaby be an ongoing thing, so bear with me as I start this journey into my own mind.

    One of the most common questions about my stories, is why all the women. The answer is what I was then and what I am now. It’s kind of a long story and you have to go into other stuff that doesn’t seem like it relates. I’ll explain later. I’ve been thin since 2nd grade or so. It didn’t matter how much I ate, I never really changed. It wasn’t found out until later that I have a very high metabolism that has a habit of starting to break down food almost immediately. While many people say ‘that’s great, I wish I had that’, I don’t. For a young, well mannered nice kid, that’s not a good thing. It’s still not. I can eat tons, but hardly gain a thing. Which means I have very little hope of gaining much in the way of muscle mass. Which means a bit more to a guy than to girls, speaking generally. And yes, I’ve tried all the shakes and diets and the like, it doesn’t help. Anyway, needless to say, looking a target I got into a lot of fights when I was young and got teased alot. I’ve heard all the skinny jokes out there. 

So, this didn’t do alot for my confidence. And when you get into very late elementry school and middle school, where guys and girls stop believing in cooties and start checking each other out. At this point, most girls haven’t decided who is the jerk and who is the nice guy (and many girls still don’t, no offense, but I’m a nice guy, I know very damn well). So, they usually go after the tall, well muscled, slacker that does nothing in class but try to make themselves the center of attention. Another point down on the confidence scale. Back then I was an even nicer guy, not being cold or bitter yet. So, I wasn’t very aggressive. And that also seemed to be something that not many a girl was attracted to at the time. So, conclusion…I wasn’t good with women. I’m still not. To the people that know me well, that sounds a suprising, but most have to try and remember what their first impressions were when they met me. Once I get to know people, get comfortable, then I’ll start talking, making jokes, flirting horribly, that sort of thing. But until then, I just kinda sit quietly in my corner type of thing.

But as just about any nice guy will admit, there’s some bitterness there. When you’re a nice guy, you usually know alot of girls, have alot of friends that are female, but as for beyond friends…well, you can hear the crickets chirping. They usually end up hearing what a jerk this guy is and this guy and this guy and this guy and how the girl wishes they could find a good guy, a guy that’s good to them, a nice guy. And then it’s on to the next jerk. It gets a bit discouraging. Girls with such wonderous beauty, such musical voices, a muse, a nymph, a goddess even, but always untouchable, always unattainable. And that one line that just about every nice guy has heard once, in one variation or another…

“You’re a great (sweet, nice, wonderful) guy but you’re not my type.”

So, in a way, each story shows what would happen to nice guys if the world was the way it should be sort of thing.

In CoH CoS, the girls all live in harmony with each other, for the sake of one man. They all have fallen in love with him for all the wonderful, nice, gentleman like qualities. They all cannot help but fall in love with this strong, but gentle man. A gentleman with hidden aggressiveness. And he loves them all and treats them equally.

In Maverick Effect, it’s more toward the dark side of a nice guy. A nice guy’s revenge in a way. The guys with just a tad more bitterness can probably relate to the story more. A nice guy that’s pretty much been ignored for most of his life by women when it came to anything even close to a relationship. Then something happens (fame) that he’s suddenly in the spotlight. He’s featured, he’s talk showed, he’s tabloided, he’s trled, all that sort of thing. He’s almost instantly a teen heartthrob. Girls are after him left and right. And he’s able to say, ‘you’re great, but you’re not what I want.’ and he’s able to say that over and over and over. For each and every time he’s heard it to girls that are not used to hearing that at all.

And in Redemption, Rage, and even Knightfall (but not yet in that one), there’s that thing that every nice guy wants. For girls to see those sides of him, he always hopes are evident. A mysteriousness, loving, caring, strength to protect and hold, all the things that make up the best parts of a nice guy. For girls to be attracted to him because of these things. Not for his body structure, his face, his car, or his ability to be a jerk. This is going to be the first part to my psych eval entries, but not the last. Good day to all.

And women, give those nice guys another look, not the guys that speak nice or act nice, but the nice guys. When you’re honest with yourself, you can usually tell the difference.

Damien