It’s a pity party. Why so sad then?

  Sometimes I wonder about people.  I’m a people watcher.  I’ve always just seemed to have an intution about people.  I can see into people and just read who they are.  Sometimes it just makes me sad when I’m wrong.  Or maybe not wrong, but not 100% right.  I’ve had wonderful connections with people.  Unforunately those connections have very rarely endured.  I’m thankful every day for the people that put as much effort as I do into a relationship, if it be a friendship or anything else.  What is about people that causes the changes in their lives?  What is it about people that makes them forget their connections to another human being?  Sometimes I wonder about these things.  Probably more than most.  But maybe I’m just a little more aware of the phone silent in the evening, the ‘no new messages’ on email, the empty mailbox.  Sometimes I wonder if the creative essence that is within me is a curse instead of a blessing.  Every story I write brings what lacks into my life into clear focus.  It brings the tragedy of my day, my week, my year into minute detail.  Yet, it also keeps me going, magnifying every wonderful experience in my life and that is important, as these are few and far between.  I’ve never had a suprise party.  I’ve never had enough friends to really have one that wouldn’t look pathetic.  I can count the number of wonderful birthdays in my memory on my fingers and still have fingers left over.  Sometimes my mind brings these ideas forth, even as I try to push them back into the depths that they came from.  Some days are better than others in this respect.

-Damien