Dream File 040303

Good day to all. I wanted to share this all with you cause I feel the need to talk about it. After all, what is a diary/journal for. Anyway, for some years now I’ve been getting strange dreams. None of them are the same, but they share a similar theme. The newest one brings the count up to four of them. I know that doesn’t seem very much like a connection, but I’ll explain in time.

As I’m pretty sure, frequent readers of my diary can see that I don’t have much luck in relationships. Love and I don’t seem to be on working terms a whole lot. Plus, I don’t make friends very easy, so I spend a good amount of time alone. It wears on me sometimes, but I’ve gotten used to it enough to function.

These dreams though all have a girl in them that I’ve never met, never seen, never talked to, you get the idea. But in the dream I’m always in a relationship with them. It’s a different girl in every dream, but the feelings are always the same. Feeling loved, accepted, cared for. Feeling of deep love, looking at each other across a room and just smiling, seeing the same things in each others eyes. They really are wonderful dreams, but they are always very vivid dreams. Despite that in real life I’ve never seen any of them, in the dream, it feels so real, so regular, so complete. So, then I wake up and therein lies the problem. I’m pretty sure you all can figure it out. But just in case you didn’t…I wake up and, of course, no one is there, the feelings are gone and I realize that all that was a dream. There is no beautiful girl that loves me deeply and cares for me there. It’s me and well, just me.

So yesterday I had another one of those dreams. But there was something different in it. Let me detail the dream from the begining though. I was in the parents home of this girl. She was a beautiful asian girl. Let’s just call her Tila. So, I was there in Tila’s parents home. We ate dinner and had great conversation, played a game and had a great time.

Anyway, everyone had gone to other rooms as the night progressed. Tila had gone to the kitchen to help clean up and I was sitting in the living room/parlor talking to her grandfather. She comes back in and asks her grandfather if he would excuse us. He smiles and says okay, says good night to me and leaves. I look over at her and smile and she smiles back, but I know something is wrong. The silence doesn’t feel comfortable. Finally she looks at me and speaks. She says, “This isn’t going to work between us.” I was shocked, suprised. This feels like it came out of nowhere. Thoughts go through my head of what to reply, “Why?”, “Are you sure?” “Your family really seemed to like me.” “What’s wrong?” But these thoughts are going through my seperate mind, that part of your mind that knows your dreaming and is more like a spectator than a participant in the dream. So, finally I speak, but instead of any of those dreams I sigh and look down. Finally, I look back up at her and reply, “Does it really matter anymore? Why can’t we just find some happiness while we can?” This is honestly one of the last things I expect myself to say in such a situation.

But, before she can reply or I can add anything my alarm rings and wakes me up. I woke up and I felt so disoriented. I ended up lying there for almost half an hour trying to sort out things in my head. I really don’t know what to make of this new dream, it was the same as all the others until the end. I’m not sure what to make of the new development and the dream keeps playing on my mind. So, what do you all think? Well, I’ll take my leave now. Take care all.

Damien