Cultivation of the soul…

Good eve to all. I once wrote an entry called Nobody Likes The Truth. I think that still holds true. No one likes the truth in one sense or another. But the truth that most people have the greatest of problems with are self truths. Right now I am not attending school, nor will I in fall. I found out recently that the suspension that the university gave me is upheld by the university here at home, so I cannot attend classes until spring. Also I am presently paing the university for a balance I still owe and the loan agency for my student loans as my grace period has already ended. I’m living at home with my parents right now. I have no car and no driver’s license. I’ve never gotten along well with my family and I doubt things will ever change. In all I’ve had more time than is probably good for me to think, to reflect. I know what I want to do, but sometimes it seems so far away, almost impossible. I feel very lonely too. I’ve never been very close to my family. I don’t talk to them. I find it wise not to, as they all have the nasty habit of twisting anything you tell them to use against you later. The only friend I have here in town has been very abset lately.And lately he’s gotten very into the sword practices we do and sometimes it seems like that’s all we get to do. It’s getting to where it doesn’t feel much fun anymore. My friends back at the university I hardly hear from and it’s usually me who establishes contact. And I haven’t seen any of them in months. It doesn’t feel the same over the net, on email, or even on the phone. Meeting people here is actually very hard if you’re not into drinking or clubbing. Which, under general opinion, are the only things to do around here. Just alot of things haven’t been going as well as I would like. I’m in worse shape than I’ve been in awhile. I’m working on it, but it bothers me that it’s gotten to that point in the first place. All, in all, I’ve just been very frustrated and lonely. I can only wait and hope with time things will clear up. Well, I have no other option at this time other than to wait. This entry has gotten beyond all I wished to talk about, but I feel no motivation to remedy that. For now, sleep calls and work tomorrow. Beautiful dreams to all.

Tenchi

“…the cultivation of the mind, the body, and the soul, and we must always cultivate the soul.”