11/25/02

Good eve to all. I’m not exactly sure what to write about, but I felt a need to write so here I am. I guess I’m writing here cause I don’t feel all that great. And writing has always been my outlet. I haven’t been feeling very good lately. Depressed almost. Things at work have not been going well. I think my department and area manager are trying to get my fired. Fortunately I think that the store manager thinks I’m a good employee. I’m just getting tired of working retail also. I hope to find a job elsewhere soon. I still haven’t gotten a job with the university. But I’ll be dropping off applications at some of the banks and credit unions tomorrow, so hopefully that will go well. Plus, there’s just some drama going on at home. I’m getting so tired of being the peacemaker. My sister and my mother keep getting into it. Then my mom gets all mad and starts taking her mood out on the rest of us. Overall, I just haven’t been feeling very good lately. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t want to live at home anymore, but I don’t really have a choice. I don’t want to work in retail anymore, but I don’t have a choice there either because I need to have a job and no one has called me back on the jobs I applied for. I just don’t know why I’ve felt so bad lately. I just feel like sleeping most of time or curling up in a ball and crying. I’m just so tired. Tired of being everyone’s angel, tired of being where I am. Tired of being too poor to do anything about where I am. Maybe even tired of life. I thought I had put all this darkness behind me, but it seems have crept back into my life. I just don’t know what to do or how to even describe how I feel. But I’d better go before I get too much into this. Good night and beautiful dreams to all.

Damien

“…the cultivation of the mind, the body, and the soul, and we must always cultivate the soul.”