Right now I feel

VERY queasy,

And I feel like a looser. I feel like a worthless piece of fecal matter. I know I should not let the job thing make me feel this way. But it does.

I used to have depression so bad that I would hide in the closet so no one would find me. I can’t do that here. No closet space. Not that I would do that now. Now I just go in the dark room and alternate between sleeping and crying. But I am not going to allow myself to wallow in it. What is the point. It does not change the situation. When I finally would leave the dark cocoon of my room, the situation would still be there staring me in the face. I still will be out of work.

Now I have to figure out where I am going to get the $200 bucks for the doctor visit and my Am Ex bill just came in….You do not want to know…. Suffice it to say I could go to over three doctor visits…. I have until the 22nd to find where that money is coming from…. before that I have cell phone bills, electric bills, credit card bills, DH’s Student loan, car insurance, Where in the world are we going to get money to eat??? His paycheck is already spent. Kitties have to wait to be neutered for a couple more months…. God, I hope they don’t start spraying.

Well I think this is all I am going to write for now. I am becoming sadder and I need to think Happy thoughts….

Sunshine, flowers, love, purrs, the ocean, smiles, friends…..