Dakk

October 17, 2004

Next: Just an update on my to do list

Just stuff on my mind. No great title here sorry.

I am feeling disgusted with myself. All my new mommy friends are loosing weight but me. I am as big as ever. UGH. I want to cry.

I don’t feel attractive.

I feel like I am the size of a house, no wait, and make that an apartment complex, no wait – a retirement community here in Florida.

I want to start a diet so bad but I know I cant because if I do, Autumn may not get the nutrition she needs.

Besides, when I do go to loose weight I am going to try to get my phentramine again. It worked wonders for me when I was on it before I got preggers. And I know I cannot take it now while breast feeding. And I plan on breast feeding as long as I can.

Kal doesn’t say my weight bothers him, but he has made a comment or two about my puffy tummy.

I forgot to talk about what Autumn is up to in my last entry. She still cannot pull herself into a sitting position, but she can sit for a really long time with no support. She rolls over from back to front and I am sure she does front to back as she is the opposite of when I saw her prior and I did not turn her over. She also has just started pulling herself on her hands and knees and is rocker baby back and forth. Time to get busy and child proof the house.

OMG I love her so much it hurts. I thank God every day for her, even when she is screaming like a banshee. I just wish Kal had a little more patience with her when she is in full on cry mode. Her cries grate on his nerves pretty bad – especially with the tooth ache thingy.

Today he made me smile though. I was trying to get her settled for sleep and was rocking her in her room in the rocking chair and he came and took her from me and sat in the chair and rocked her himself. It is when I see him hold her like that my heart wells up with so much love I don’t think I can stand it.

Speaking of his toothache… He had the root canal part done last week Monday. We are now about 600 bucks poorer and have to figure out where we are going to get the 1000 for the crown. UGH Just when we think we are getting ahead, something like this happens. I need to find something I can do from the house to make extra money. Working outside the house is out of the question.

Why? People around her do not want to pay a decent wage. I am or rather was an Administrative Assistant with over 10 years of experience. My last job long term job was with the American Lung Association of Florida. I had been with them for 4 years making about 8 bucks an hour. I was doing more than just Admin Assist work. I was running 4 programs, being the receptionist AND their IT person. I asked for a lousy 10 bucks an hour and they could not even give me that. So when I got my settlement money from my accident I thought it would be a good time to look for a new job. Boy was I wrong. NO ONE wanted to pay more than 8 an hour. I thought I was blessed beyond belief when I found the job at the church and then well most of you know what happened there. I am still hurt by it. OOO remind me to tell you about what happened this weekend – speaking of the church. So you see Daytona SUX for job prospects unless I want to work for 8 bucks an hour. And then Daycare starts at about 200 a week so there goes all the money I would make so what is the point? I would rather spend the time with my daughter than work for a lousy 100 bucks extra in my pocket. NOW if I found a job that I could do from home… NOW there would be something. Any Ladies want to join up and form a work co-op and make things?

Ok, now to tell you all about what happened this weekend that had to do with the Church Kal and I were coming out of Wal-mart and I saw Mrs. S! It has been a year since I have spoken to anyone from the church. I recognized her at once. She did a double take. I love her so much. We hugged and chatted for about 10 minutes. She said she was sorry she did not write. When she wanted to so much time had passed she felt embarrassed. We are now exchanging emails and are going to go out for lunch one day. Maybe I can have her ask a couple of people I loved from there join us? Heal old wounds.

Well that is about all. For now at least. I have a lot to do tomorrow and I better get some sleep while Mz. Thing is sleeping.

Second and last entry for today. ZZZZzzzzzzz

*random noter* It sounds like you have a pretty wonderful baby!! Hope you get the sleep you deserve. 🙂

Karringtyn

October 18, 2004

:):) I had six root canals and crowns put on in ’97,,,$$$$$ and pain I understand the whole weight thing…even tho I am not nursing…

thisphoenixrises

Silverkitty

(huggles)

I’m glad at least one person from the church is being nice to you. *hugs* RYN: Take your time mailing it out… I was just kidding. Between Nikko, classes, making diapers, and of course the Sims 2, I don’t have a lot of extra free time to play around right now anyway! Nikko’s going to be an octopus for Halloween!

Motherofthree

You know, it took you 9 months to put the weight on from pregnancy, it will take at least 9 months to take it off, nursing Autumn is a big help, just remember to eat good food, not bad food, and it will come off, slowly, but it will eventually. >^..^<

Karalys

Don’t compare yourself with “other mommies”. You are YOU and you can’t play comparison games. The other mommies also don’t have fibro, so maybe they can do things (physically) that you can’t do to lose some of the weight. It will come off, you have to be patient and listen to your body and your baby. Nothing is more important than your health, especially now you’re a mom! Kal&Autumn love YOU!

ForeverFaith

Hugs to you! You deserve them. You are a great mom and such a nice person. You are beautiful. I have seen pictures. I too need to lose weight (from Franklin) but just think these beautiful miracles were born because of it all! :o) Amazing what our bodies can do, eh? GREAT BIG HUGS! steph

BTW: I know it is hard to think of it like that because I too am so disgusted with myself but I try to be positive about it. steph

Spacefrog

8 bucks an hour? Boy, thats not much at all. 🙁 About the weight, I feel like that too. Its not even that I cant go on a diet (I am no longer breastfeeding), but I just dont have any willpower. But I do agree with the noter who said that it took 9 months to put on the weight. Dont be too hard on yourself. Itll happen.

life of the boys

all i can say hun is only try to watch what you eat, and try and eat as healthy as you can. we all know you are beautiful 🙂

At first I thought you meant that she cried differently with teething. Then I read it again, and saw toothache, not teething. *shakes head* Glad you got to get in contact with your old friend from the church! 🙂

I want to stay at home too! I think it’s all of Florida that pays lousy. I was so shocked to come from PA where I was making a little over $18/hour to here where I started out making $8/hour. And the cost of living isn’t any cheaper down here. I pay more for rent here than I did up north. I’ll stay home and make stuff! LOL! My guy already told me I could stay home if I want.

when he gets here. So hopefully that can happen! :o)

Galaga

October 19, 2004

It is written, “A nursing mom can be as fat as she damn well pleases.” There – I just wrote it. 😛 Hugz,

I have seen you in person recently and you are NOT fat. You have a wonderful smile and are just radiating with beauty. It took me a year to lose the weight with Meghan, so give it time. Jobs here do suck. I barely make ends meet. Daytona really is a crappy place to try and find a job. 🙁

RYN: Cool! One qustion though. Which messenger service do you use? As in msn/aim etc. At the mo I’m on msn, aim and yahoo, but I do have a icq account somewhere.

The south beach diet works, and you only cut out stuff like bread and fruit the first 2 weeks. I lost 15lbs so far. 🙂

2MonchichisMum

It’s amazing how much you can love someone isn’t it? I swear I cry a few times a week just looking at Livy and being in awe of how much I love her. Life’s amazing sometimes 🙂 We’ll be paying $200 for daycare here too – unfortunetly I still have to work, we can’t afford my paychecks to go away. But it’s so expensive and so frustrating!

RYN: *giggles* Everytime I see/hear that word I always hear the advert for it. hehe. Was on your photosite earlier and couldn’t get to the boards. Had to come to your diary to find the link to it.

RYN: you are don’t worry!

Tony said you left me a message. It was me. I tried to change my username on it a while back, but it wouldn’t let me for some reason. But my addy is wee_inocent_me. Sorry I had left the pc to go down and see him, and ended up running out to the chipy for dinner! 🙂

momof2boys2

Maybe when your daugter gets a bit older you could do daycare. I did that in my home for about four kids. They were all part time and didn’t come at the same time. I made great money and I didn’t have to pay for gas, clothes ect that you do with a job. You can write your house, cable, food off on your taxes. I did it for about four years and then my kids were in school. Just a thought.