Another Entry from the Dakk (this time a LONG one)

nce again I feel a need to write, but but am not sure what to actually say. So, as with the last time, I will just start writing and see what pops out of my finger tips…

I think I told many of you several months ago that I was going to get a Lupus blood test. I did have it done and the good news is I do not have Lupus. That is the good news.

I am having depression, hot flashes, Migraines (though instead of 3 times a week it is down to 1-2 times but sometimes lasting a couple of days long), I am also experiencing extreme fatigue. I have an appointment with the rheumatologist set for April 25th – this is to do a check on my fibro.

I had an appointment with my OB/Gyn set for yesterday – but I missed the appointment. I wrote it in my Outlook calendar as I was on the phone with the appointment desk as 2:50 and the appointment was really 1:45. I am not sure how I managed that since I asked the appointment setter three times to make sure I had the dates and times of my two appointments correct. Needless to say I was a bit pissed at myself yesterday. I have rescheduled for a week from today. They did let me put my 3×4 business cards in the office so hopefully I will start to get calls from that.

This first appointment is to deal with the fact that I am pretty sure I am going through menopause. My PC keeps saying it is impossible since I am only 41, but my grandmother went through it at 38 and it was not from surgery or anything like that. My second appointment with the Gyn is not until the end of June and that is for my annual. Did you know that menopause can exasperate fibro symptoms?

The hot flashes are killing me. (Well not literally)

I have not really written much because I do not want to go on and on about how horrible I feel all the time. I do not want to turn my diary into a big woe is me pity party for myself. But I will mention things here and there after this entry and try not to dwell on what life has handed me.

I did have a follow up with my Neurologist a little over a month and a half ago… that is when I found out about the good results of the Lupus screen… I had an MRI of my back and neck. No change since the accident. I still have a torn disk at L5 and a bulging disks at c2&3, I have no curve in my back nor in my neck and my atlas is still touching my skull. My face is still numb, so is my left arm. My feet still burn as if I had been standing in the snow barefoot and came into a warm house. I still have occipital Neuralgia and Fibromyalgia, and of course the migraines and depression.

I also asked him to give me clarification on what my limitations are supposed to be. I am not to lift more than 10 pounds. For example – a gallon of milk is supposed to be my limit which is hard when I have a toddler wanting to be picked up. I try to make her walk as much as possible – but when we go to the store I have to lift her into the cart. I have been making sure I lift with my knees… I do make associates at the stores put the heavy things into my cart and trunk and I make Kal bring them in from the house. I drag the laundry baskets to the washing machine. (They are the pop up kind) and I try to take many breaks when I am doing chores. Vacuuming is extremely taxing on me even with just the playroom, our room and her room with carpeting and a very light vacuum cleaner. I cannot stand to do a complete sink load of dishes, nor can I stand to peel shrimp or potatoes for very long. I MUST take a nap in the middle of the day. If I don’t, I cannot function at all.

My whole life changed in that split second. I thank God every day that I am still alive and that I did not suffer anything worse. I know there are people out there who are worse off than I. I thank God that I have a supportive husband who understands (most of the time) when I cannot get things done around the house.

Do I over do it – Yes. I do. Allot. And I pay for it with not being able to do even the usual the next day.

I am trying to get disability. I have been turned down once already. I am going to keep applying though, as I know they usually turn everyone down the first two or three times.

My first rejection said I could follow directions so I could still be an administrative assistant. I had to laugh at that one because, number one, who would hire someone who needs to sleep at least 2 hours in the middle of the day with frequent rests in-between? And with my migraines I would be missing over 4 days a month of work. Anyway enough of this depressing talk…

Yes I had a birthday – yes it was sucky for the most part — but there was good on that day too. My family all came over and we grilled out and had a very delicious ice cream cake. Kal purchased me this lovely rose and huge balloon. And my sister and mom both made contributions to my new camera fund.

Speaking of cameras, my new one will be here either Friday or Monday! Yippee! I cannot wait to learn how to use it. My new camera is a Nikon D70s and it includes two Tamron lenses. Now I hope my Phoenix flash will work with it. And I want to get Gary Phong’s Lightsphere (a dome thingee that fits over your flash to give more diffusion – works wonders for weddings and such) and a remote either corded or infrared. I am also hoping my fisheye/wide-angle lens will work with this camera. I may need to buy a ring adapter but I think it will work. So my camera plan is as follows – the D70 is my work camera, the Coolpix 8800 will be the every day camera and the dying Minolta will be used sparingly for Macro photography LOL. Kal LOVES the Coolpix – he is starting to get into taking photos now too. Thank you again to my special friend for that wonderful gift. 🙂

I have my first wedding set for April 29th. I am scared TO DEATH. I need to get some posing info and maybe some photography books too. I am thinking of seeing how much classes are at the community college here and if I would be able to get grant monies. Then I would need to look into a sitter.

Did you know that even if you do photography as a hobby and not a business you may be able to deduct your expenses on your income tax? Your expenses have to equal a certain percentage of your income tax and you have to itemize.

Let’s see, what else is going on in this life of mine…

My daughter is still not eating like she should. Sometimes she refuses to eat all together. I still think it is because she has about 3 more teeth coming in. Poor thing. All she wants to do is chew on ice.

Every so often we can get her to eat well. Last night she refused to eat anything and we had a great supper of chicken strips, corn and rice. She did not eat a bite of it. She did have a slight fever and kept pointing too the back of her mouth saying “hurt mama” and woke up about 4 times last night. She only has about three or four teeth left to come in. Tonight we had Mac n cheese, yellow beans (like green beans also known as Wax Beans) and steak. Now she ate two beans and no Mac and Cheese but she ate a TON of steak. GO figure. I am going to ask the pediatrician at her 2 year appointment if I need to put her on vitamins. I mean I cannot force feed the child. We even limit the amount of drinks she can have before and during the meal hoping she doesn’t fill up on drinks.

She had her first skinned knee the other day…

Don’t mind her miss matched outfit. I let her pick out her own clothes that day!

Oh I found a new snack I adore! Honey Butter (real butter and honey not that country crock stuff – I make my own or when I don’t feel like it — Land O’Lakes makes a really good one – and pumpernickel bread — or I love it on pumpernickel and onion pretzels. LOL Bad for me, of course! Tasty — most definitely!!

I need to start that diet. I need to but I eat when I am depressed and I eat when I am bored. I wish they made healthy living more affordable too. It is so much cheaper to eat kielbasa and pirogues than it is healthy foods. And I need to give up the Coca-Cola, as much as I hate to do it. I have cut back quite a bit. I drink a lot more water and I also bought some of that 4C ice tea packets – same thing along the lines of the crystal light packets but so much more yummy and costs about 2 bucks less than the crystal light.

Oh I am cleaning out my house. I am going to hold a garage sale probably in about two weeks. I am selling all of Autumn’s things she cannot wear anymore or use anymore. And I have a ton of clothes for myself that have been in storage since I became pregnant that are work clothes that I will probably never ever wear again. We also have four motorcycle helmets to sell and some other stuff — I am going around my house and just getting rid of things. I have too much stuff for this small house. WAY too much stuff. Most of the money I will be putting into paying off my credit card and gifts for Autumn and Kal and of course some photography stuff if there is enough I want to get a new medium size sofa.

I was thinking of selling it on eBay, but I don’t want to have to mess with the hassle of mailing it out.

I ordered Autumn to Dress up trunks from Lillian Vernon a few weeks ago and they finally got here today. She has been having a blast playing dress up!

We also hooked her up a computer in the play room. She has very limited access to the internet (yes the internet but she only can go to Noggin, Playhouse Disney, and Nickelodeon) and we got her a few games too. She has a Winnie the Pooh, and three Dora the explorer games. We work every day on colors, numbers and ABCs. She knows and can say almost every part of her body and she tries so hard to dress herself.

Her vocabulary is growing every day and she is starting use real sentences now. Her latest phrase is “Oh my!” and we are learning her language too. She calls her pacifier Mimi. If it falls off her shirt (it is on a clip) she says “mama, where Mimi go?”

I cannot believe she is only going to be two – then at other times it seems like she just got here. But she is not my newborn anymore. She is most definitely a toddler and a very head strong one at that.

I wouldn’t trade her for anything in the world. She is an amazing gift that I treasure every single day.

And with that – I am going to call it a night. She gets up early and is on the go-go-go all day except for two hours when we both nap!

Until next time —

All items © 2005 CAMElias/Dakk O’ta unless otherwise noted.