Somedays…

Somedays I get so mad at him….

If he thinks communication is so important, then why can’t he be the one to communicate more.  I wear my feelings on my sleeve and he just jams up.

Does he think he’s the only one concerned about our situation?  I feel so overwhelmed sometimes.  Im having a baby, trying to work full time and so tired and all while trying to sell our freaking house.  Yeah, it’s just a game in the park for me….

Im so sick of working all day on my feet, coming home to find his shit laying all over the place.  Does he not know how to pick one fucking thing off the floor and put it back where it belongs?  And so what if it’s mine, pick it up anyway.  Im so tired of coming home to piles of landry every night…I can’t seem to get caught up on it, no matter how long I spend on it.  Tonight I carried laundry upstairs that has been in the laundry room for close to 10 days….How many times has he come up those stairs empty handed?  I hate cooking supper every night.  I suck as a cook but I really try and you know for once I’d like a little reconigition other than "Great supper hunny"  Could he not offer to give me a night off?

Im sick of his over spending.  We aren’t hurting for money by any means but is it necessary to have every toy on the market and to have to always be one up on his friends?  Last night, a new pool table became home in our basement…Like WTF?  We have like 6 pairs of sleepers for our coming baby and you go and buy a fucking pool table?  Where is your priorities?  Two weeks ago, it was a brand new HD satelite reciever costing us $600…..he obviously has more money than brains….

And for once I would like him to ask how "Im" feeling….how our baby is growing, would I like to stop working soon.  I want him to ask for particulars not just general questions.  And maybe it’s because Im facinated knowing that this week our baby’s eyes are open and it’s 2lbs and the size of a head of cauliflower….I just wish he was intriqued as I am.  Im tired of working a 40 hour week…Im stressed at work…I just wanna stay home and get some rest…but you don’t seem to think I need to be home this soon.  No wonder my blood pressure is sky high.  Im a drama queen most of the time and you think Im just chalking this up…..but I really am tired.  My feet are killing me before they even hit the floor in the morning, the thoughts of going to work somedays makes me wanna vomit.

And believe it or not…Im scared.  Im scared of being a mommy…Im nervous.  What if Im not going to know what to do?  What if I can’t make our baby stop crying?  What if I can’t nurture it?  Im scared of not being prepared before the arrival.  We have nothing other than a car seat and stroller, a bouncy thing and a bath tub.  And you’re one one bit concerned.  Well do you know what?  There isn’t all fucking kinds of time.  We have 13 weeks until our little one arrives.  And then it’s showtime.

I totally vented here..just what I needed.  And believe it or not, he really is a great husband.  I love him to death.  He just gets under my skin sometimes…..and I wouldn’t trade him for the world……..but for a chocolate bar tonight, I might…..