What do you want ?

Dear God, do I expect too much from you? What do other people do to catch your attention. I feel like I’m being punished for not praying enough or tithing or going to church. I feel neglected. I feel like I’ve been suffering. My own parents don’t want to talk to me anymore. They seriously don’t even want to talk to me. It’s messed up. My sister and brother…NON EXISTENT. I don’t care anymore.

what should I do? What should I do about this feeling? Ignore it? Pretend I feel your presence in my life…I feel something but nothing major.

I don’t want to be ungrateful….but I have the bare minimum…I feel so behind in life and like I’m struggling. I’m lucky I’m not behind on bills but I feel like I work too hard to be living the way that I do. I should have something to show for it. I should have a new car and a better place to live where the water isn’t ice cold every other month and my air conditioner won’t break. This life i currently live is for the birds…dealing with Ms. Clark always looking at me, anabel slobbering and biting me, changing her diaper, having to stay in other peoples homes. There it is….i probably am ungrateful. I should be honored to be anabels one on one side and Mrs. Smith caregiver…these are good jobs….but I don’t want anything except my career.

i always felt like you were protecting me from something. Now we are literally seeing in real time how crummy the entertainment industry is…full of sex and drugs…but not all areas…I wanted to space in life where I could have a good manager and agent. I don’t have either….what to do????

I want my career and you over here saying why don’t you seek me first or something? I don’t know what you want from me. But I’m so upset. I feel hopeless.

Tell me what it is you want from me. Tell me in my dreams. Help me before I do something stupid. I’m thinking about forgetting about all the gifts and talents you’re given me and just moving. Don’t know where…someplace near the beach…on the beach. I hate my life Lord.

I can’t imagine how people with cancer still cling to you for hope. I don’t want anything bad to happen to me…enough has happened to me already…please don’t let this stress affect my health. I pray for healing. My mind is almost had enough. Amen