Up way too early

Dear Jesus,

I only got 6 hours of sleep because Miss Shirley came in making all the noise in the world after I sent her a text the night before saying that I need to sleep in because I didn’t get much sleep over the weekend watching Miss Smith.

i got angry and cursed a bit by saying shit and  fuck and then I slammed my bedroom door after putting her dog in the cage so I would not hear him outside my door. I think she understands the message because she’s been quieter ever since. But I’m still wide awake.

i heard you say to no longer contact the dancers until they contact me. I also heard you say to pass out flyers to the dancers at soundbox. I also heard you say rewrite the script. And lastly I heard you say to appoint Jaqueline to teach me the choreography for $35.

im going to do all of the above…

lastly, I pray for your help in every way throughout this process. I pray the two music videos I want to do next will turn out fabulous.

Today is Monday so, as You know, I return back to school. I’m always excited to see the kids. I don’t mind seeing my co workers because I keep my distance from them. I stay polite and cordial but I never hold any conversations with them anymore. They all laugh and talk incessantly with each other which is fine with me. I like it that way. It’s very hard for me to be fake so I cannot engage in meaningless conversation with those that once talked badly about me behind my back. I do forgive but never forget.

now I’m in bed…maybe will listen to this tarot guy. He always wears a black shirt but I love the color black as well-so I don’t think much about that. He’s funny and just gives a heads up. I do feel some people on earth are able to pick up on things. Like me, I know instantly how people feel about me. I know if they like me or not or being fake. I can sense all of this.

I really hope Anabel is in a good mood. But if she is not, I completely understand. Sometimes Anabel scratches, bites, grabs and throws things…worst of all she constantly moans in disgust or hatred about whatever that bothers her. It sometimes bothers me but most of the time it doesn’t because I know how she feels. It’s annoying for her to not be able to walk out her chair or talk. I get it. Today let my job with her be easy.

i pray for getting things accomplished. I need so badly to put my new headshots up, to check my website, to set up appointments, and to rewrite the script for my music videos. I need so badly to have things in order-like organizing my apartment.

i pray that I get the part to play a non binary person. Or that the writer will see that I can portray anything I put my mind to. I pray that I will never be put in a position where I’m asked to cut my hair, or show my breasts or bare bottom. I prefer only side profiles of my bits…and I want my hair to grow to my waist…and when I’m older, like 75, I’ll cut it in a bob. I want my hair to be my trademark and I can get a brand deal for Paul Mitchell or Redken. And I wish for a skincare brand line for Estee Lauder. And I pray for a makeup deal with Chanel. And I wish to walk the steps of the met gala and enjoy a lunch with Anna Wintour. I also wish to be with a top agency in LA and be with the best agent who will look out for my best interests. I pray for someone who I can employ to help me with syncing my music, licensing my songs, doing split sheets, and setting up meetings….maybe that’s called a manager, but I don’t like having a manager…I want a business partner instead to help with my career.

i pray for this part again…although I definitely trust that You know what’s best for me. I felt really good about it. I just am kind of nervous about kissing a girl on screen but I would prefer a woman over a man to kiss on screen. To be honest, I don’t like any gender but only time will tell if my heart ever opens up to love. I don’t like sharing my space and I like having my privacy…but it would be nice to look forward to seeing someone every now and then and they have no intention of cheating on me or pressuring me for sex. I like to make my own decisions without having to consider another person…I don’t even like having a pet because I have to consider it by feeding & washing it…I know that sounds selfish but that’s why I do jobs where I’m a giver….

It’s already late in the morning. I pray I get at least 1 more hour of sleep. Please let that happen for me in Jesus name. Amen.