Simply coffee

I just have to remember that hurt people hurt people. That’s just how it goes. They may think badly of you but there’s a part of themselves that they dislike too.

I heard today from a pastor that it’s important to seperate yourself from the naysayers and accompany yourself with dreamers. I haven’t met too many dreamers, but when I do, I’m fascinated by them. I may want a lot for myself but that doesn’t make me have a disorder of any kind. And if someone thinks I’m weird for it, I’ll walk away and not carry anything that they say to have any importance in my life.

today I walked into a coffee shop with Mrs. Smith.  Before I brought her to the shop, I heard: “bring your tea bags”…so I did. When I got to the coffee shop, I took out my cash and the manager said: “sorry credit card only”…

he saw me there with this 90 year old woman but did not try to help in any way. So I sat at the table with her and used the cups provided there that dispensed hot water. I took out my tea bags and offered a variety for Mrs. smith to choose from. We ended up having a good afternoon despite not getting what we originally wanted.

before leaving, I gave the used cups to the manager and thanked him. Upon receiving our used cups, he reprimanded me by saying: “next time we do not allow others to bring their own tea bags to drink in our facility.”

it instantly turned my good mood into a sour mood…but only for a second. I looked around to see if others saw the manager reprimand me…and decided it wasn’t worth agonizing over. But here I am, talking about it.

i wondered, why did the manager act like that towards us? Was his intention to teach me the rules or make me never want to return there again?…I don’t know. Not for me to figure out. I know God instructed me to bring the tea bags, otherwise, I would have made a blank trip with an elderly woman to a coffee shop.

Similar to taking a baby in a stroller somewhere, it’s difficult/stressful to take a 90 year old woman out into this world. You are fearful she may trip, you have to pack a walker, and you have to think of all elements when in the company of someone so fragile.

i wonder how much weight do I give people words in my life. I will never see that man again….but he shamed me in front of others and I was embarrassed. And that embarrassed moment turned to internal anger: why would he not try to accommodate us in any way as first time guests? What was so wrong about using a tea bag? Did he think we would return? Did he not want us to return? Was this all in my head?…I don’t know.

same thing goes for people on this platform? I feel judged at times. Am I wrong for wanting so much in my life? Was I only supposed to write about certain things and not be so ambitious? Do people think I’m crazy for it? Do I belong on this platform?

you can go crazy worrying about what others think of you. But those are the dream killers.
how dare I dream for something so big at my old age…I must be crazy, right?

Wrong.

we are all entitled to our opinions….but we are required to “love thy neighbor”. That is something I practice DAILY.

when there was no where to sit for a filipino couple, I waved them over to join our table. And they did! I was quite pleased….i engaged them in conversation. As I spoke, the filipino man gazed deeply in my eyes as I spoke. I feel everything…and when I looked at the woman who he was with, I saw she was slightly annoyed.

with that notification, I then ended my conversation but directed all my words to her…making her the center of attention. I could tell she felt more comfortable and was happy that I was done speaking. She wanted to stay the center of attention in his eyes. I could also tell that she liked him and he had no idea. She was the type who used her intelligence and leadership as a way to gain a males attention.

I think one thing God has blessed me with is the insane ability to read someone’s body language and feel their thoughts towards me. A lot of people treat me kind…but once in a while, I’ll will get awful treatment from someone.

the manager of that coffee shop didn’t dislike me…he just had a stick up his ass. I also think he wanted to get a rise out of me. He liked attention and was hoping to pull something out of me that would garner him more attention…or he just was a stickler for the rules and wanted to follow them…who knows?

that lady who worked here previously for Mrs. Smith – that took over half my shifts – she felt kind of evil…maybe she felt threatened by me…but her actions made her lose her job.

I think it’s not for us to wonder why people are the way that they are…our job is to show compassion and to LOVE. I wish people could love more. Instead, we are living in a world where it’s hard to open up.

I remember Rost used my compassion against me. When I picked lint from a child’s hair, he insinuated that I was trying to sexually harass a child. Can you imagine the sadness I allowed that man to make me feel? He actually made me cry.

he took the one thing that I didn’t think was wrong with myself and distorted it to make it seem like I was a bad person. I don’t know what is going to happen with him. Of course I wish he loses his job but that’s not for me to decide…I shouldn’t even think like that. I have to let go and let God.

i guess the point I’m trying to make is….be kind.

we don’t know what people are going through. It doesn’t cost anything to smile, to be genuine, to open a door, to show compassion….

when I was hurt, I said something bad and I dealt with the consequences. I feel bad about talking about people I don’t know like Oprah & Rhianna. Those powerful women did so much good in the world….shame on me for saying negative things…but I’m human(and was probably high at the time). I realize it is not for me to judge. My job is to be a representative of Christ. I’m so far from perfect but God doesn’t expect us to be…at least that’s what I was told. Our job is to try to live a holy life…hard to do, but I’m gonna try every day.

Dear Father, please increase my wisdom. Give me a vision and a laser sharp focus to see it come to fruition. Continue to give me favor with others. And when I am insulted, treated harshly, or not shown any kindness, let it roll off my back. Let it not change me. If anything, allow it as a remembrance of how it feels so I can treat the next person kinder. I know we all go through pain, heartbreak and sadness…but help us find you. I heard a beautiful song today that kept saying: “I’m so grateful for my life!”. When I played the song on YouTube, so many people (in the comment section) were going through difficulties but were still grateful. One woman said she had stage 4 cancer and was grateful that she didn’t look like she had stage 4 cancer. There were people whose faith was much bigger than mines….going through things unimaginable but still took the time to say how happy to have God in their lives. I want to know you in a way where no situation could ever sway my faith in you. I don’t want anything bad to happen….i just want my faith to increase. I do believe but the doubt sets in from time to time when I look at what I want versus what I currently have. I want to forever be in a state of gratefulness-no matter the circumstances. Father, forgive me for my sins, knowingly and unknowingly. Guide my footsteps. Help me to always love my neighbor, even when they don’t love me back. Amen.