Night routine

I am finally in bed…going to bed so late. I don’t like going to bed late and waking up early. I’m hoping I can sleep like a rock. Let see how I sleep after using my shuteye app. I think it’s not real….like how can a phone actually tell if you are sleeping or not when nothing is connected to your body?!

im sleeping in my bed like a true single woman. I’m wearing my night guard , under eye pads, a facial sheet mask, and a head strap!!! I look like a damn mummy…it’s ok though because I want to see if it makes a difference when I wake up.

I haven’t been the best on hygiene today. I used my electric toothbrush and did a few strokes here and there. And when I took a bath, I grazed my face and cleaned one kneecap. So I guessed I made up for it by doing all of this before bed.

i can tell Mrs. Smith really likes me. I think she plays tricks on me. She wanted to go for a ride in my car so she walked up to me in her walker asking me to bring her home. I said: “you are home Mrs smith, this is your kitchen, your floors, your bathroom…this all belongs to you.

 

she said: “bring me home”

 

I said: “ok then let’s hop in my car and find your house then if this not your home…”

so i got her safely in my car and drove around her neighborhood for 15 minutes, asking where she lived and what her address was. She remembers her address very well…so I passed her house twice just to see if she remembered where she lived.

when we got back she said: “thank you I appreciate you so much!”

I changed her clothes and combed her hair. I put lotion on her legs and arms and hands. I can tell she loves self care. She has a figure too. I massaged her back…she has an hourglass figure. She’s not skinny but she’s not fat either….in between.

She also has very bad sight I think cause one of her eyes looked cloudy…I love her skin complexion…it’s like a caramel color…and she has the funniest, young looking legs. Her skin is not like what I imagined a 90 year old woman would look like….her skin on her legs look like the age of a 55 year old.

I can’t believe this woman is 50 years older than me. When we were looking through her old photos together, I saw a picture of her mother as well as a picture of her mom’s 98th birthday cake. I knew Mrs. smith has a longer life  to live…she’s 90…so means she has at least 2 or 3 years left…hopefully even more.

but to be honest, it pains me to see how hard it is for her to stand up. It takes her a while to sit up. I think God is reminding me to take care of my body more. I never stretch, barely workout, and I don’t rest enough in the bed as much as I’d like to…but isn’t that everybody who has to work full time??

I don’t know how people workout before or after work…by then I just want to take a bath, eat and pick out my clothes for the next day. By then it’s already time for me to sleep before going to work the next day.

today I had a whole list of things to do…but I could barely get to anything on it. I’m just feeling lethargic. But I’m not going to stress….i don’t even want to keep asking God for the same things….i get so much mixed information to be honest.

one moment im told to ask god and pray. The next moment I’m told that it shows lack of faith to pray over the same thing over and over. I think maybe prayer should be used to go over everything you are grateful. Maybe share your plans with God to make Him laugh. And then, maybe even sing Him a song of praise. I’m not trying to make it a whole ritual like the Muslims do….but I am really impressed by their decision to pray throughout the day.

I would like to start that…telling God all that I’m thankful for instead of what I need. I’m the Bible it says God knows every hair on our head. It also say He knows our beginning and end…this just seems too unreal to me…EVERY STRAND? And the people who die or get raped or kidnapped…He knew their story but didn’t change it? Come on, why doesn’t this seem real?

but god has to be real…He has to be…or else I should have been doing my own thing. I’d look like a different person if I did things my way. I’d have so much money and drive the nicest cars if I did things my way. I wouldn’t do only fans or anything but I would probably work with bad people …wait what I’m saying?!! No-I changed my mind…I rather work and live a respectable life without any more problems, stress or trauma.

i really don’t know what im saying anymore. My sleeping pill is kicking in.

dear god, thank you for this beautiful day. I shared good moments/memories today. I felt blessed to talk to my parents. I’m grateful for the doors your opening, seen and unseen. My goal is to move into an apartment, get a new car, go on tour for 6-8 weeks in one year. I’m also going to try out for the voice and I have plans to continue music and acting forever…lord, do it for me (Hezekiah Walker) and change me oh god and make me more like you (Tamela Mann).