Madea

I finally understand the Tyler Perry cult following. Because of this 90 year old woman who likes Madea, I endured watching Homecoming then Diary of a Mad Black Women…these movies talk about serious issues/topics – yet surrounded by the humor of a man in a woman bodysuit. Also brings up topics of Christianity and the teachings of Jesus, oh so subtlety. Makes you think Jesus is real just because of the sheer success alone that Tyler Perry gained over time.

i bet once my mind can wrap around that there is a higher being that cares about me…then maybe i can have all the confidence in the world. I saw a man look up to the ceiling to God before he walked on stage before he performed in front of the four judges on The Voice. He didn’t do well…and he didn’t go to the next round. Wonder if in his heart, he really believed God was going to get him to the next round?..

There are so many people who believe in Jesus. There is actual proof that Jesus walked on Earth…but what about his miracles?…I want to know about the parting of the sea…how did that look when people walked through it?…

Im wondering how Joseph and Mary had so much faith at such a young age?…. Mary actually had a baby without anyone else… you mean that Actually happened? And who taught Jesus about God??… I learned from my parents… did Jesus learn from his parents too and just believed with such conviction & decided He was going to be God’s main messenger? And these miracles…. Healing the blind, raising people from the dead, healing the woman with the constant period….all of this really happened or something else?

I remember MIA, the singer, said she saw the image of Jesus… you know the singer who gave the middle finger during superbowl?… did she really see Jesus or say that for attention? And if she really saw Him… why did Jesus reveal himself to her ? And not ever to those who really need to see Jesus…

I admit, I was closer to God when I lived in heavy sin…I mostly prayed because Shervy was my only friend and since he’s kinda special ed…I would prefer to speak to God.

I know that sounded harsh but Shervy is like Forest Gump… and I’m his Jenny. However, I don’t relate to Jenny’s character at all… I’m more like lieutenant Dan, who lost his legs… cynical and negative who used to be confident.

today had to be the easiest work day of my entire life. I spent most of my time today in bed with Mrs. Smith… she lets me control the remote so I mostly watched reruns of The Voice and Teen Mom:The Next Chapter…

I tell you one thing… I feel bad for not having off spring , but I won’t ever regret the harsh reality of raising a child. My mom blocks my calls because I call her so much. She even stops my dad from answering my calls… because I call them at least 3-4 times a day…it annoys my mom… my dad loves hearing from me…

im getting tired. I ate mostly today… probably gonna take a laxative and drink mostly water tomorrow. I told myself I’m only going to eat when Mrs. smith eats… she rarely eats and only has small portions. I desire to eat like her.

I hope Everyone sleeps well tonight. Pray for me. I’ll pray for yall. Pray that I know Jesus and have increased faith in God.

dear Heavenly Father, please forgive me for my sins knowingly and unknowingly. I pray that you help me with my life. Amen

p.s. my dad sent me this photo. He said this is ME one day…a drought to something beautiful…