Ijdgafz
So I’m laying on my floor doing nothing. I got off work, went to the store and bought food and rillos. I also got money off Shervys card. I don’t care though. I spent ten with Ten and he hooked me up. Gary said I should make it last all the way to my Atlanta trip that’s in 11 days. He suggested to not smoke it all at once. He’s my friend who was once comatose and drowned in a pool and his body and speech was never the same afterwards. I don’t really know what happened but I think that’s what he says. He has a gimp arm and a brace leg…and a bad haircut and he’s in his 50s I think…lol. I lived with this nasty dirty man but I don’t regret it.
when I lived with Gary…imagine ant piles…same thing but roach piles instead- it was Hell!!!
I know Gary from my old job at the ymca which fired me on the grounds of me teaching aquatic aerobics classes in a high state…but it was really a girl who did that to me. Her name was Natasha. She ended up having a baby girl whose probably about 7 years old now…she was so far back in my life and I wonder if she was a person before or after my name change…
what the fuck, I had a job cancel for tomorrow. I don’t care though. I rather be home. Right now I’m stuffing my face with food again and I can’t really think straight…I get it …I’m high..so now I’m going to stop eating and just drink water. I was so high that I inhaled a bag of laychips, a lunchable and grapes..I didn’t have the ham…just the cheese and crackers. I always hear, cheese makes you fat when I eat cheese.
so Gary is like : are you going to smoke again tonight and again tomorrow? And instantly I was like wow..that’s sad when you say it like that.
im going to take a bath. Not smoke.
I just had a parfait..and I had bacon, eggs and a biscuit.
I feel some type of way…I have flashbacks I think…I just thought of Shirley making breakfast for me…is that wrong if she wants to do it for me? I think her act of service is kindness. I wish everyone was like that. But people take advantage so people walk around traumatized.
what to do now? I’m already in the tub. My stomach pokes out. I can’t even make it flat nor starve myself if I tried…I’d have to quit smoking. I know what happened. I smoked weed in Encino. I ate like 4 pizzas. I also feel bad about life because I just made myself fat for no reason. I really got to fast. Ahhhhh. That means I have to drink only water and stop smoking. I’m ready! I’m going to do it!
do you know how hard it’s going to be to not smoke and have a whole bag of weed around me for three days and not smoke and just drink little to no food? ….lets see what happens. (This conversation is sad)
i also say oh well I messed up when I automatically go back. But this time I’m going to try. And I don’t want no one commenting any thing about this unless you really just want attention. Not that the person who comment wants attention. I just don’t want comments about me trying to stop and just fast…I don’t even believe myself but I’m going to try…I’m going to finish this parfait then finish bathing then just drink water and eat very little food and only things that are healthy. The only bad thing I can have it a fruit snack…other than that-real fruit and salads.”🥗
im really gonna chill on the smoking cuz I think I made a fool out myself.
dont come at me so happy like im a free throw I’ll be your friend but we not dating no amigo
i told you one too many times and said that you can’t have me tho
And I feel like you intruding can you stand back hasta luewego you say let’s go
I take you here I’ll take you like it’s contiko
but I don’t need no new friends that’s an ego
u pequito despacito
And if you don’t know I’ll remind you
No problemo does un jack cuandi
I SMOKED SO I SOUND LIKE A DUMMY. I need to brush my teeth… ugh…. I have to but I don’t feel like it but I’m going to anyways. Then I’m laying in bed. And then I’m going to contemplate life until I fall asleep and wake up at 2 or 3 and stay up til like 6 then rest for 30 min then go to work cranky…. No that’s the old me. Just brush my teeth and go straight to bed. Gb
yes I’m not going to read this entry. I know I sound sad and stupid.