Home now..Liam
Dear God,
I feel overwhelmed and anxious. I think I need to take a pill for this feeling but instead I’m praying to you. I usually smoke weed…but I’m realizing that just masks everything and I fall asleep, waking up with the same problems.
so here I am…asking you to be my weed. Breathe in ….breathe out. Breathe in….hold…..breathe out…here goes…
first, I overreacted today. The tension between Miss Patrice and I is thick…EVERYONE CAN TELL we don’t eff with each other…but I like it…I’m not fake so she stay out my way and I stay out hers. We still respect each other though…so that’s all that matters.
Mrs. Clark been out for two days…I want to say HALLELUJAH…but that would be wrong because her little one is sick and I don’t wish negativity on anyone. I do hope Mrs. Clark is getting the rest she needs because she’s been looking a bit overwhelmed with everything lately. I bet it was perfect timing that she stayed home. It allowed no one for Miss Patrice to talk bad about me to.
miss Patrice DEFINITELY going out of her way to be nice to everyone except me..but that’s ok. I saw Miss gray today. She tried to be sweet to me today by acting like she wanted to help me from tripping. It wasn’t anything major…I was sitting on a vibrating plate thing and she mentioned how she has the same one at home. Earlier in the day, she touched the hair of one my co workers. I don’t think she would ever touch me in that manner because she can sense I’m distant from her. I just want to go there to be there for Anabel and bring light to the kids that I work with and uplift my coworkers. Although today, I kind of walked around with a little cloud over my head….mostly due to lack of sleep.
i rushed home right after work. Thank you father for getting me home safely. I was going over 100 miles to work…I really need to wake up earlier. I think that’s the reason my brake sensor came on as I was driving home. It even made a scraping noise. For a brand new car, I’m sure experiencing problems! I’m sure there’s a reason why this is happening. I pray that the mechanic won’t charge me an arm and a leg over this matter. I pray that you put your hands over my finances and my car situation.
the water in my apartment is getting warmer. It’s not exactly hot..but it’s doable. Right now I can hear a baby crying his lungs out through my apartment walls. It doesn’t bother me one bit…it’s comforting to know I’m not alone.
I stated eating a burger…then all of a sudden I get a text…”you still coming?” ….Anabels mom was expecting me at work today. I know for a fact it wasn’t my fault and an error on their end. Hopefully Father, everything worked out for Anabels family.
im still breathing a bit hard while I’m writing you. I also feel a pain in the nape of my neck. I also sneezed 5 times just now & .the baby is crying so hard that it sounds like a toddler that is a boy…he or she just stopped.
im about to watch Gloria Bell. I don’t want to watch anything depressing. I think it’s about a divorced woman who’s starting life over again. Lord, thank you for my life….i know I never got married or had kids…but I’m appreciative of my quiet life. After giving away Bae, I promised myself that I’d never get another pet…the pain of loss hurts too much. I know Bae was rehomed though…she was a beautiful dog. All the dogs I’ve had were beautiful…I just didn’t deserve any of them…I guess I’m too selfish with my time and space.
I just drank a whole 16 ounce bottle of water …just to flush my system out. I ate so bad today…I even stole anabels food. Kinda…she had a hot lunch today so I ate her banana, peanut butter sandwich and fruit snacks during last period…it won’t matter to her or her family…besides…they always say I can eat whatever food that is in their house.
i pray father that you protect me from the new virus out called meningitis…I don’t know what it is but it sounds bad. I always wear my mask at school and don’t get too close to the kids. Although some of these kids get right in my face and they never brush their teeth or bathe properly…some even smell. It’s a shame.
i pray that you protect me and the kids and my co workers from getting sick. Oh but back to today Father…I overreacted. I thought Romo and Megan didn’t like me but they think ….oh nooooo, I just heard a one direction member died from a drug overdose….its so sad.
Earlier today around 2pm, I had saw a book about the uprise of fentanyl and how two grains equivalent of salt, can kill you. May he rest in peace…I feel bad…I don’t even know him or listened to any one direction music but I know artists are very sensitive…I know I am…
I know what I was going to pray about but Father….life is so short. I don’t want to experience pain like Liam(that was his name)….
i want to know without a doubt that you got me covered. They say you already know our story. I want my story to turn out to be a happy ending.
when I pick movies, I always choose romance first…probably because I want to experience it but too afraid to open up my heart to pain. I rather it stay closed so I don’t have to worry about pain visiting me. I rather live alone and be alone but you created Adam and Eve for a reason…
forgive me for the lack of faith I have but I believe I’m getting closer to you. I pray all the time. I try to live right…I love listening to the sermons filled by Joel Osteen…but if could just read the Bible and want to read it…if I could know for a fact that there are no coincidences and that you are ordering my steps…then that’s what faith is all about.
sometimes I think, you are making me wait this long to clear the way of all the devils lurking in the industry. You want me to experience working closely with women and men and children…you want me to be well rounded. You want me to shine brightly where I am and not wait to be a superstar but be a superstar everyday…but I’m quiet Lord…I don’t like attention on me non stop. I hide away from it…
I just want to make a lot of money so I can have more ….oh noooooo, Liam didn’t die from an overdose…even worse, he killed himself intentionally from the third floor of a hotel in Argentina. Whyyy? Do you know how much pain one has to feel to want to end it all?…
did he know you Father? Did he pray beforehand? What was going on in his mind? A lot of reports are saying it was drugs too…I believe this to be true…THIS IS WHY I WANT TO GIVE UP ALL CONTROLLED SUBSTANCES….
even wine sometimes…it can sometimes trigger me to smoke. I want control…and I want your hand on my life. Protect me from all evil father: save me from my addiction. Break all ties…
im someone who smoked all day everyday and never stopped. I want to be better than that. I want to never go back. I want a closer relationship with you so I know to never be overwhelmed…sure I’m human but maybe I need more knowledge of you.
they say to pray through Jesus to get to God…and I wonder why. And how did Jesus know about God? It’s just all so complicated.
last night I told you that I did not understand the holocaust….if I had to come up with an answer…it was to show each other that no matter how much we become advanced with technology…human nature never changes..that all humans have the ability to commit sheer evil. It also happened so humans would see what would happen if no one stood up against hatred. Sometimes I wonder what’s taking everyone so long to help others in need. But everyone is putting themselves first and lacking compassion.
i obviously cannot save the world but maybe i can save a child at school, give anabel hope to talk and feel recognized, help a coworker stay uplifted, inspire others to never give up on God…we can all be angels on earth and it doesn’t cost us a dime. It could be as simple as letting a car in front of you pass…
tomorrow is a new day. I’m going to be a superstar in my own quiet way…be a light…a believer until it’s undeniable that you are working in my life.
I have 15 notations on my phone. I have to look at my headshots, save files to my phone, find time to call Apple to figure out how to save to my files, go over the new song I wrote, write to unstable, check on new lyric video, upload headshots on acting sites, write agents, pay for marketing on Snapchat/IG/Spotify/Youtube, and book a massage & pedicure when the time feels right…life is short.
father please let me get to everything in my to do list… but for now, allow me to have peace while watching a movie. Allow me to unplug from the world and relax.
I love you… amen
p.s. please help me with my living situation, my career , my family, my job…have me going in a direction that is filled with joy and more wins than losses. And most of all, have me in the palm of your hand…if I was in your palm…the. I know I’m on your mind and you got me covered.