Callback

So mom is definitely getting on my nerves. She said she was going to give me $40 but I’m grateful for the $15 she decided to give me instead(to help me with my career)….but whatever. I’m just happy I’m getting something. When I was in college, she never sent me a dime. I was stealing from grocery stores and did porn to go after my dreams while living in California. It worked because I had money, an apartment, a nice car, and I was booking acting gigs all the time. Funny how when you live in sin, you have everything. But now that I’m older and trying to live righteous…it’s much harder.
the old me would be living in a nice apartment with a nice car and would have a very different lifestyle….but I know I’d be feeling miserable probably inside…who wants to do onlyfans…I definitely don’t. But no talking about it. This is why I talk to God on this platform…because when I let my flesh do the talking my mind does not stay on Jesus…I complain, I focus on things that don’t matter, I pour my evil thoughts onto this platform.  I reminisce on my past and not allow myself to seek positivity for my future.
I’m currently relaxing in bed until my parents arrive. The old lady is in the front room. She asked me to make her food. As soon as I put it on the table, she said it was too hot. Then I said, just let it cool down for 2 minutes. Then she said, “put it away I don’t want it anymore; I don’t want none of this!”
I simply proceeded to toast her bread, light two candles for her, and comb her hair. I don’t let her meanness get to me.

i understand she’s just old and agitated….today, she had a number #2 in her diaper. I had to change her but she refused to let me wipe her. She still have pieces of poop that she won’t let me clean off of her. I don’t understand why she won’t let me help her. I plan to sing in front of her for the first time. I hope she enjoys herself.

i particularly don’t feel like going to church at all…the drive is too long, the message never touches my soul, and the prayers be an hour long…I don’t like it at all…but im going to go because its the right thing to do and i want Mr. Harry feel like im doing well at my job.

i better take my clay mask off and join Mrs. Smith in the front room….ttyl

p.s. My callback went well. The writer told me that I was the best so far out of 40 people she’s seen so far. I cried really easily during the emotional parts. I hope I get it.